Oh Crap
by Atama Ga Kuru Teru
Summary: Two girls are set free from Orochimaru because they are no use to him anymore. But, after they leave one evil organization, they fall into the open arms of another. THOSE DAMN UCHIHAS! GRRR! ItachixOC Tobi/MadaraxOC
1. Chapter 1

_Well, this is a story written by Yuki and Amaya. It is probably the longest one we've ever written, and think of it as our masterpiece. So please, read and review. _

_**Chapter 1**_

….Izumi's POV

My feet pounded against the hard stone floor, propelling me forward down the dark hallway, which was dimly lit by the dying flames of torches. I had to get to my friend fast, and get her and myself out of this Gad forsaken hideout of Orochimaru's. This week he had been conducting even more experiments on us than usual, and I couldn't take it anymore.

Like many of Orochimaru's human's I, like a man named Suigetsu, was able to turn into water.

I turned down another winding hallway. I was almost there, but before I could reach my friends room I felt _his_ presence. Just being around Orochimaru seemed to affect me strangely, like I was being suffocated by his evilness. I hated the man.

I knew he would catch me anyway, so I stopped, "Orochimaru," I breathed, still panting from running. I faced the pale man with a defiant gaze. Beside him stood his little pet, Kabuto, and his next body, Sasuke, who had a bored look on his face.

"Where are you going, Izumi," Orochimaru asked in his sickeningly sweet voice. I didn't answer, and even if I had, I probably would have ended up stuttering out of fear.

"Trying to escape, Izumi? Why, I wonder? Nobody will accept you out there." His tone was calm, but he was smirking creepily.

"I-I d-don't care!" I stammered.

"They won't accept you because you're a monster now, and you have the mark to prove it," he said, as he lifted my shirt sleeve to reveal a curse mark at the top of my arm. I don't even know why he had given it to me, I had no kekkai genkai. I was probably just a ninja that he wanted to do experiments on. I would always hate him for it.

"It doesn't matter what they think, I-I'll go anyway!" I yelled.

"Well, since you really are no used to us, I'll let you go. Take your friend with you too; I have no use for her anymore either."

"But, lord Orochimaru, what if they inform the Village leaders of our whereabouts?" Kabuto protested.

"Oh, they won't tell _anyone_ if they want to live."

And then I blacked out.

…. Hana's POV (Hana is Izumi's friend)

"Izumi, Izumi, wake up!" I shook her, "Oh god, please be alive!" Izumi looked pale, and she was barely breathing. The curse mark was taking its toll on her, "Izumi!"

She suddenly gasped and opened her eyes, "H-Hana?"

I sighed in relief, "Oh thank God…"

Izumi struggled to sit up, "Orochimaru… said we could go."

I stared at her, "What, seriously?"

She nodded, "He said he's done with us."

"But, I can't leave!" I gritted my teeth, "Juugo needs me!"

"Hana, we're going to have to leave. It's for the best," Izumi said.

"But, he'll go crazy!" I protested.

"Hana, he already has," she said calmly, "Now let's go."

"Ah-," I broke off. Izumi was right, "fine, just let me say good-bye to him. I'll be quick."

"If you're not back in ten minutes…" She let the threat hang in the air.

"You'll leave without me, I know," I sighed, "I am going to have to make this very quick."

I hurried out of the room that we were in, and into the darkest place in the hideout. I opened the door at the end of the hallway a little bit.

"Juugo…" I whispered.

"Hana, what are you doing here? You shouldn't be here!" Juugo's voice was angry. That meant…

"Juugo, try to calm down. Ignore the influence of the curse mark," I said calmly, "I came to say good-bye."

"Good-bye? But, Orochimaru would never let you leave!"

"He's letting Izumi and I go. He's done with us," I blinked back tears, "I'm sorry, Juugo."

"Damn it!" Juugo spat out, "Damn that bastard!"

"I'm really sorry, Juugo!" I pleaded.

"Don't worry, Hana. Don't worry about me. I'll get out of here someday," his voice sounded calmer, but sad.

"I could never worry about you. You're too big and strong." I attempted to smile, "and adorable."

"I appreciate what you're saying, Hana," Juugo smiled a little, "Now go."

"Bye," I whispered as I left, "I'll miss you."

I closed the door, and left.

…..

_Well, that's the end of the chapter. We really hope you like it! Please read and review!_

**Yuki and Amaya do NOT own Naruto… sadly. Maybe they will once they take over the world… but not now. **


	2. Chapter 2

_Okay, to clear a few things up… this is the longest __**story**__ we've ever written. I know __**someone**__ thought that we meant the first chapter. You see, Yuki and I write our stories with the old pen and paper before we type them up (so then we can end them if we want without worrying about people trying to kill us for ending a story that they liked or something.) Well, anyway, we hope you enjoy this chapter, it might give some more hint to what the girls are like._

_**Chapter 2**_

…_..Izumi's POV_

I had no idea where the hell we were going.

"Izumi, are you sure this is the right way?" my purple haired friend, Hana, asked me. She would hate me for calling her hair purple (she was touchy on this sort of thing. She preferred to call it lavender violet.) But, I shrugged it off in my mind.

"Of course I know where we're going," I rolled my eyes at her, like she should have known better.

"Are you sure, because you look confused," she stated.

I sighed, brushing my black hair out of my eyes, "Fine, to be honest, we've been out of Orochimaru's hideout for five minutes, and I have no clue to where we are going."

"Well, that sucks for both of us, because neither do I." Hana walked a few paces ahead of me, "I think we just need to get as far away from here as possible."

"Right, good plan."

After I had agreed, we chose a random direction, and started to run toward it, which might not have been the smartest thing to do, but we were running out of options.

"This sucks," Hana muttered, as we leapt blindly through the trees. Her hazel eyes were sort of worried.

"It's better than Orochimaru!" I shot at her, "Frankly, I think he was just waiting to rape us."

Hana started to go into a fit of giggles, but still keeping the same speed.

"What's so funny?" I demanded glaring at her. I had been serious about the rape comment. Every time I saw Orochimaru, I thought the word rape. The guy was _creepy._

"I-I'm sorry Izumi-chan," Hana giggled, trying to breath, "It's just that I'm pretty sure that Orochimaru would never rape us when he has Sasuke to play with."

She was laughing so hard, that I couldn't help but laugh too. It had been a while since we'd actually laughed like this.

"I can't breathe!" I gasped when we were done laughing, "Oh god."

"I can't either!" Hana agreed, still getting out her last fitful of laughter. But, her laughter stopped abruptly, as did our running. We had both heard something, or at least sensed some sort of other chakra. Either way, we stood still, listening.

"Who's there?" Hana demanded. My green eyes went wide at her. What a fool, you don't yell that to people if you don't want yourself to be seen. Hana yelled again before I could stop her, "Show yourself!"

"You don't say that, you idiot!" I hissed, trying to be quiet.

"Well, you do if you've been in Orochimaru's hideout for the last five years!" she hissed back.

"Well, we're not there anymore!" I whispered angrily.

"Shut up!"

If you two are ninjas, then you really suck," a voice said from behind us. Hana gave a yelp of surprise. She was always scared easily. I rolled my eyes, and turned around.

A blue skinned man with a giant sword in his hands was grinning at us with pointed teeth. I now name him Shark Man… or at least Fish Sticks. There was a short, black haired man standing beside him. These two, for some reason, pissed me off… well; the black hair man did… damn him for being taller than me. Both of the men were wearing black cloaks with red clouds on them.

"We do not suck," I stated indignantly.

"Yes you do," Fish Sticks smirked, "because you were talking so loud."

"Well… maybe it was just a trap set by us to lure you here," I lied.

"And, besides, we do not suck. We were ANBU before Orochimaru took us," Hana stated proudly.

"Don't tell _them_ that!" I smacked her over the head, "Maybe I should have just left you there!"

"Noooooo!" Hana sobbed. Fish Sticks and black haired dude just stared.

"Well, if you two would excuse us, we'll be on our way," I grabbed Hana's arm and yanked her towards me, "Come on, Hana."

"Did we say you could leave?" the black haired man asked quietly. His calm demeanor sent chills down my spine.

"Didn't know we had to ask permission, "I replied coolly.

"You do. This area is owned by Akatsuki." He blinked slowly, "Although, by the blank looks on your faces, you've never heard of us, I presume."

"What does it matter if we've heard of you? Besides, if this land is already owned, we are trespassing. We should probably leave." I started to walk away, dragging Hana with me.

"Orochimaru's hideout is really far away from here," Hana whispered to me, "but maybe he knows about these Akatsuki guys."

"I have no clue," I whispered back.

"You two better stop right there." We stopped despite ourselves. The two men each grabbed our arms.

"You may not have known, but you trespassed anyway, "the black haired one said, "There's a punishment for that."

I looked defiantly into his eyes, and then passed out cold.

...

**We do not own Naruto. We hope you enjoyed this! :)**


	3. Chapter 3

_We would like to thank all those who have reviewed so far. We are glad you have. _

_And now, the time comes for us to present to you the third chapter of this story. So read, review, and enjoy!_

_**Chapter 3**_

…._Hana's POV_

I would have never thought that Izumi would have ever been beaten that easily, but she was. I don't know what it was with that black haired dude, but when Izumi had looked into his eyes, she had passed out in a second.

"Holy crap," I gasped, "W-who are you guys?"

The blue, shark-like dude grinned to show his pointed teeth, "We are members of the Akatsuki.

Oh great, we're screwed. We escape from one group to run straight into the open arms of another. Great, just great.

"… Please don't kill us," I squeezed my eyes shut, "We can't do anything against you guys."

"Obviously."

"Kisame, knock that one out. We'll bring them back to Leader-sama," the black haired man said. He had Izumi slung over his shoulder like she was a sack of potatoes.

"Fine, Itachi." The shark man- Kisame- rolled his eyes, and raised his hand. As it came crashing down to knock me out, I had only one thought: this really sucks.

…. (still Hana's POV)

I heard a voice penetrating my unconscious mind.

"We found these two outside the base. We gathered information that they were apparently ANBU once… though they show no real skill… and then were later taken by Orochimaru," the voice said. I peeked out of my now slightly opened eyelid. Whoa… I was in a huge office-like room. I didn't like it though. It reminded me too much of Orochimaru's office, though this one was cleaner, and didn't have snakes in practically every corner.

"Hmm, two of Orochimaru's lackeys? Interesting… very unusual too…" There was a figure sitting at a desk, shrouded in shadows, "I assume you two used good judgment when you brought them here?"

Before the other voices could answer, I stood up angrily, "We aren't Orochimaru's! We don't belong to _that_ bastard!"

"So she's up," Kisame mused.

"Shut up, Fishy!" I snapped. I looked at the guy at the desk, "That creep did so many things to us. We. Are. Not. His!"

"I get it." He stood up and walked into the small light that was in the room to reveal orange hair, and too many face piercings to count. He seemed to think a moment, "Would you two be interested in joining the Akatsuki?"

I paused, thinking about Izumi, and what I should say, "I'd have to think about it."

"Well think quickly, and choose wisely. The wrong answer might just get you killed."

Well that's reassuring. I opened my mouth to answer, when a figure lying on the ground groaned. It was Izumi, "Where the hell am I?"

"You are in the Akatsuki base," a man whose name I remembered to be Itachi answered. She looked at him. The look in her eyes was something I've never seen before: a mix of slight fear, respect and anger. It was almost like a modified glare, made to fit all of the emotions and impressions that she didn't want to outwardly show.

"_Why_ am I here?" she asked.

"They want us to be Akatsuki members," I answered her.

"Well, we probably should say yes, even though they probably want us for information on Orochimaru. Otherwise, we're as good as dead," Izumi told me.

"All right then, we'll say yes," I nodded.

"Very well," the guy with the piercings- who I assume was the leader- nodded in acknowledgement, "We'll get you your supplies ready. Kisame, Itachi, show them to their rooms."

"Yes, Pein-sama." The two looked at us, and motioned for us to follow.

As we walked down the long hallway, I had a flashback of when I first met Juugo. Orochimaru had decided to test me by putting me in the same room as him during one of his crazy moments. This hallway was almost the same as the one back then.

I hoped Juugo was doing all right.

"We're here," Itachi said, stopping at a door. He opened it and led us in. there were two beds, a small closet, and a very small bathroom… basically it was like a cheap hotel room, but it seemed like a room that might be at a palace compared to what we used to have.

"These are a lot better than Orochimaru's aren't they, Hana?" Izumi nodded approvingly at the room.

"Definitely, I might actually start to like this place," I said. I gave a smile to try to lighten the mood.

"Yeah, maybe."

The only good thing about this whole escape Orochimaru's situation that we had gone through was that we didn't have to unpack anything now.

"You guys should probably get ready to fight. Leader has to see how you guys fight, and then there will be training afterwards if you guys even make it out of the fight. Be ready in an hour," Kisame told us, grinning.

"Fine, we'll be ready. See you guys then," Izumi waved them away lazily.

"Izumi, do you think we'll be able to live here?" I asked.

"Of course we will," she said, looking at me in an almost stern way, "Don't be such a baby, Hana."

"Yeah, you're right, sorry."

…..

**Well, that's the end of Chapter three. We don't own Naruto. And, like we said before, we hope you enjoyed this, so review please. Otherwise the rabid squirrels will come and eat your fingers. **


	4. Chapter 4

_Okay, well, I was bored, so I thought that I'd update… since I have no life. -.-*sigh* If only I wasn't so emo-like… oh well. So, here's the next chapter. I hope you like it! Please like it! Please review! It will make me feel less emo!_

_**Chapter 4**_

…_._. (Izumi's POV)

Hana and I walked into the forest clearing where the fights and training would be. When we entered the clearing we saw a lot of… odd… looking people, who I assumed were the other Akatsuki members. To be honest, I'm pretty sure that a lot of them weren't fully human, including Fish Sticks over there who was grinning like the stupid fool he was. I could tell he was looking forward to seeing Hana and I getting beaten up… which we probably would.

I counted the members. It seemed like there were nine in total, and only one girl out of the whole group.

"There's a lot of people here," Hana whispered to me, "and there's… kinda hot guys."

She's got to be kidding right… but I had to agree, that plant man was _definitely_ sexy. I rolled my eyes, "Don't let that distract you when you're fighting, you idiot."

"These two girls are going to become part of the Akatsuki," Pein began. Hana and I switched our attention to him, "if they can beat who I pair them up against," he finished.

"We don't need more f****** members!" a man with silver-white hair, pink/purple eyes, and a large scythe sneered, "Especially two whiny little b****es."

"Does he want to die soon?" I whispered to Hana. That guy pissed me off.

"Well… I know this sounds weird, but I don't think he can," she whispered back, "I saw a jashinist symbol on his necklace. Aren't jashinist immortal?"

"Eh, whatever, even if he's a jashinist, with an attitude like that he probably will die someday," I shrugged.

Pein started to talk again, "Tobi, Itachi, step forward."

Oh crap, I'm probably going to have to go up against Itachi. Just my luck. Itachi and a tall man wearing a ridiculous looking mask stepped forward.

"Itachi, you take the one with black hair-" Crap, I was right! Why me! I am so unlucky, "-and Tobi, you take the girl with purple hair."

"It is lavender violet, you nimrod!" Hana yelled at Pein. See, she's touchy on her hair color.

"You two will take them separately into the forest to asses them," Pein explained, "I'll give you a day."

Oh, crap, the fight is going to start any moment now! I am _so_ going to die. That man, Itachi…he's way too strong for me. I didn't want to admit it, but I was afraid.

"You mean we don't get to watch them?" a blonde haired man- well, I think it was a man- complained, "That sucks, un!"

"Deidara, stop complaining," a man with what looked like stitches all over his arms grunted, "At least you won't have to deal with Tobi for a while."

"Kakuzu has a point," the guy that had pissed me off smirked.

"Shut up, Hidan," Deidara growled.

"Guys, we're leaving now," Pein spoke up over the argument.

As soon as they left, I freaked out even more in my mind. This fight would be impossible… at least Itachi didn't know about my changing into water technique.

"Itachi-san, you can stay here," the man named Tobi said, "Tobi will go deeper into the forest. Bye-bye!"

Once they had left, Itachi and I squared off, but before we could start fighting, Itachi suddenly spoke up, "You know, I don't even know your name yet."

I stared at him with one of those 'are you serious' looks, "Uh, Hana said it like, five times," I told him, "God, some people are such idiots."

"Well at least I'm not a fool, or a weakling."

"What a coincidence, neither am I," I grinned, "Now get ready for an ass whoopin!"

Itachi just stared at me calmly, which made me kind of mad.

"Okay, that's it! I'm sick of your attitude," I yelled, "Let's get this fight over with!"

"Fine then," Itachi said. He calmly took out a kunai, and flung it at me swiftly. I dodged it easily.

"Is that all you can do?" I challenged.

He didn't answer.

"Oh great, the silent treatment, seriously, that thing is for eight year olds." I rolled my eyes at him, "Geez, now you're even more of an idiot."

"Hn, you're annoying," he grunted, "and you talk too much."

I glared at him, and crossed my arms, "I do not! Besides, like your one to talk, you don't talk enough, so I have to make up for it! Usually, I don't talk this much, but you just have to be all stupid like that, and not talk so I have to make up for your lack of speech! Wow, you _would_ be like that!"

Itachi blinked in surprise, and a corner of his mouth twitched half a centimeter up, "Perhaps we can talk this out instead of fighting then."

Yes, a chance that I might live through this situation! "It might work," I replied.

"You're just scared of getting beaten up, aren't you?" he asked.

"…no…" I said in a small, almost childish voice.

Itachi was _almost _smiling, "Okay, you pass."

…..

**Did you like the chapter? I hope you did! We don't own Naruto. Please review.**


	5. Chapter 5

_Thank you all for your reviews, they are greatly appreciated! Well, here's another update!_

_**Chapter 5**_

…_._.(Hana's POV)

This Tobi guy is a bigger idiot than I am. Seriously, what the hell? There's only room for one annoying idiot, and that's me! Oh, wait… he was in the Akatsuki first… crap.

"This looks like a good spot!" Tobi's voice jerked me out of my thoughts

"Oh, okay." We stopped by a small pond in a forest clearing. Honestly, it was a pretty place, and I was getting pumped just by looking at it. I wanted to destroy it badly. Destroying stuff is fun. (Insert crazy, evil look on Hana's face.)

"Tobi will give you a minute to get ready, Hana-chan!" he said excitedly. I nodded, and then gathered some shuriken in my hands.

"Are you ready?" he asked after a minute. I nodded again, "Okey-dokey! Tobi doesn't want to hurt you, but I have to obey Leader-sama."

If I hadn't been listening so closely, I probably wouldn't have heard the slight disgust in his voice as he said the word leader. I dismissed it, and got into a fighting stance. My heart was pumping hard now in anticipation. I had been in Orochimaru's hideout for too long without very many good fights, so now I was ready for something fun, or at least… EPIC!

"Okay, we can fight now!" Tobi yelled, almost happily. I threw a few of my shuriken at him swiftly, but he wasn't there anymore.

"Holy crap, he's fast!" I yelped, "Where'd he go!"

Tobi appeared behind me, holding a kunai to my throat, "Hana-chan, you're kind of slow."

"Shut up," I muttered, uncomfortable by his close presence. In a way, I'm not very trusting of men. When Izumi and I were in Orochimaru's place, too many men did experiments on us. It made me untrusting of most of them, except for Juugo, that is.

"Hana-chan, don't worry, you can try again," he said.

"If you're going to sneak attack me again, then no."

"But, Tobi has to. Tobi is a ninja!" Tobi protested.

"I know, I'm just not used to it," I mumbled.

"Then we'll keep fighting until you're used to it," Tobi said firmly. So, we began again, and once more he appeared behind me the exact same way, which actually scared me more than the first time for some reason. Before he could get a kunai and hold it to my throat like he had done before, I grabbed his arm, and flung him forward.

Those last five years in Orochimaru's hideout had also had some benefits. I had learned how to build up my chakra in certain areas, such as my arms, to double my strength. Tobi hit the ground with a thump, and I could have sworn that it left an indent in the ground, which meant that that was a record for me! Yes!

"W-wow, Hana-chan…" He said, dazed.

"Yes, wow is right. I think I just made a record for myself!" I told him proudly.

"Hana-chan, Tobi says that you pass!" He got up, and gave me a thumbs-up.

"Oh Yeah!" I pumped my fists in the air, "I totally kicked butt, and I thought that this was supposed to be harder."

"Let's just go back now, Hana-chan. Tobi is tired now," he said.

"Okay, Tobi, let's go back," I nodded, and then followed him back, smiling about my victory the whole time.

…..

**Well… that was extremely short… but the next one will be longer, I promise! We do not own Naruto… even thought we wish we did. So, with that, I would like to say yet again, thank you for the reviews, and please review some more. We greatly appreciate it!**


	6. Chapter 6

_Okay, well, thanks again for all those who have reviewed. We seriously do appreciate it. So, now I shall present to you the sixth chapter of 'Oh Crap.' We hope you enjoy, and would appreciate your reviews. Now go read silly and stop listening to me babble on about thanking you! Just go read and have fun!_

_**Chapter 6**_

…_._.(Izumi's POV)

"You know what, Itachi? I think the reason that you let me off is because you enjoy seeing someone shorter than you are," I said. Itachi and I were wasting time in the clearing to make it seem like we were actually still fighting, or at least make people think that the fight was evenly matched and we were taking a long time.

"What makes you say that?" he asked, looking at me with now black eyes.

"Well, after seeing the rest of the Akatsuki, I noticed that they're all taller than you," I shrugged.

"Hn." Itachi glanced up at the sun. It was starting to cast off a burnt red color as it was setting, "I think we can go back now. We've wasted enough time."

"All right," I nodded. As we were on our way back, we met up with Tobi and Hana. Hana was grinning happily, and Tobi was babbling on and on about something stupid.

"Hey, Izumi, did you pass?" Hana asked happily when we joined them.

"Yeah," I answered smugly. Little did she know that I didn't even do anything, "Did you?" I asked her.

"Well, duh! If I hadn't, I wouldn't be talking to you right now!" she pointed out.

"Er, yeah, I guess," I shrugged, "So… Itachi, what do we do now that we're part of the Akatsuki?"

"Yeah, I've been wondering that too," Hana chimed in, "We don't even know what you guys do."

"We capture Jinchuuriki and extract their demons!" Tobi shouted excitedly, "Our plan is for world domination!"

I glanced at Itachi, "I understand the whole demon thing, but seriously, there is no way that you guys can be serious about the world domination scheme."

"It's one of Leader's goals," Itachi told me bluntly.

I rose an eyebrow, and then cracked up, "Ha ha, t-that's retarded!"

Hana was laughing too, "Yeah, if anyone's going to rule the world, it's Izumi!"

"Oh, so you've finally realized my evil genius potential?" I teased lightly.

Hana nodded with mock seriousness, "Oh yes, up until now, I never even had an inkling."

Itachi and Tobi glanced at each other, and shrugged as we laughed. I don't think either of them was used to this sort of oddness in the Akatsuki… well, Tobi might be used to it. Hell, that guy is way too hyper.

We arrived at the hideout shortly after, and the blue haired girl- I think her name is Konan- gave Hana and I our cloaks. She introduced herself as Konan- yep, I was right- and told us that she was glad that there were now more girls in the Akatsuki, and I wouldn't blame her for being glad. There were too many possible rapists in this organization, and if I was the only girl, I would want other girls to come so I wouldn't feel so creeped out by them all. Hana and I thanked her for our cloaks, and then headed for our room.

"Did Itachi freak out when he fought you?" Hana asked, once we were in our room and had closed the door, "With his partner being a shark man he's probably used to all the water stuff, but still…"

She was referring to my ability to change into water, "No, we didn't really fight with ninja techniques. We fought with," I paused, searching for the right word, "a cunning sense of annoying your opponent!"

Hana grinned, "I had a feeling that you'd pull something crazy like that."

"How did it go with you and Tobi?" I asked, regretting it a little when I saw her fidget uncomfortably.

"Uh, well, he snuck up behind me a couple times. Then I threw him on the ground, really hard. I think it was the strongest throw I've ever done," she muttered, blushing slightly.

"Oh, did you set a new record for yourself, then?" I asked eagerly. When she nodded, I patted her on the back, "Awesome, Hana!"

She yawned, "Thanks, Izumi. Do you think we can go to sleep now? I'm really tired."

"Sure, probably," I shrugged, "but don't you want to see if we can find some food first?"

Hana shook her head, "No, I just want to sleep. I'm not really that hungry."

I wasn't either, but it never hurt to ask, "Okay, good-night then."

"Night, Izumi," came Hana's sleepy reply. Then, we both went to sleep. I was really tired too, but I didn't want to admit it, but I went to sleep anyway.

….

**Well, that's the end of that chapter, and it was longer, just like I promised… even if it was just barely longer. Oh well. Anyway… neither I nor Yuki owns Naruto. Even though we wish we did. Sadly though, it will never happen… darn!**


	7. Chapter 7

_Well guys, here's the seventh chapter. You're starting to get far in the book, now you only have (checks notebook) uh, 31 more chapters to go… well, once I put them up anyway._

_Okay, now it's time for our special thanks for our reviewers. Thank you! And please enjoy and review this chapter as you have in the past. It is greatly appreciated!_

_**Chapter 7**_

….(Hana's POV)

I may have an okay, happy personality, but when you wake me up before I'm ready to face the day, I can be a total b****.

"Hana… Hana! Wake up!" Izumi shouted in my ear while shaking me vigorously. I opened my eyes and gave her what was meant to be a harsh glare, but it probably just looked like an annoyed, sleepy glare instead.

"Leave. Me. Alone," I growled sleepily, my pillow slurring the words.

"Hana, I'm sorry, but Konan told me that Pein wants us in his office ASAP," Izumi apologized.

"Fine, I'm getting up," I mumbled so she would leave me alone, but once she stopped bothering me, I fell right back to sleep. Right as I was entering that fuzzy stated of almost dreaming, Izumi yelled in my ear.

"Hana, wake the f*** up!"

I yelped, and sat up quickly, hitting my head against the wall that my bed rested against, "Ow… okay, I'm up."

Izumi threw a black piece of clothing over at me, "Wear it."It was an Akatsuki cloak. She slipped her own cloak over herself, but not before I noticed something.

"Hey, you're wearing new clothes!" I accused. They may have been a simple black shirt and the same pants as the rest of the Akatsuki members had, but they were clean clothes nevertheless, and I wanted them.

Izumi shrugged, "Konan brought them. Yours are over there." She pointed to a heap of clothes on the floor. I got up off my bed, and picked them up. I changed into them hastily. They felt better then my old clothes had felt like, in fact, I would call them almost comfortable. After I had changed, I also put on my Akatsuki cloak. The material was soft and smooth, and it felt like it could be waterproof, and maybe even fire resistant, if that was even possible. Plus, even though it was warm and light, it looked surprisingly heaving, "These are like… wonder cloaks!" I exclaimed, looking down at the cloak I was now wearing in awe.

Izumi rolled her eyes, "Hana, you get excited too easily."

We walked out of our room, and into Leader's office.

"Today I will be partnering you up with different people, even though those people already have partners of their own. I will decide to use you as their partners if I feel that it is the right mission to put you on, or if I feel the partner that the person currently has is unqualified for the job," He told us, as soon as we had walked in the door, "Besides, I can't partner you up together. It would be foolish; you too would get easily distracted."

That was true, if I was with Izumi, we'd probably go eat waffles all day while on a mission. Yum.

"Who will we be with?" Izumi asked.

"I am pairing you up with the members who assessed you yesterday. I believe it will be the best for you two," Pein explained.

"So… Izumi is with Itachi and I'm with Tobi," I said, "uh… why can't I be with Konan?"

"Because she's _my_ partner," he answered in an almost defensive tone.

"Wow, so defensive… do you… _like_ her?" I asked teasingly with a wide grin.

"If you don't leave now, you'll be sorry," he growled, "Now go!"

"Jeez, he's touchy," I muttered to Izumi as we walked out.

"Hana, just try not to get us killed," Izumi sighed. I shrugged.

"We should probably get breakfast," I told her, changing the subject. My stomach growled as if to agree.

"Yeah, but we don't know where the kitchen is," Izumi pointed out.

I lifted my head towards the ceiling and sniffed. I could smell waffles… and what I thought might be bacon, "Follow me, I smell food!"

"You are not part dog, Hana," Izumi rolled her eyes as we rushed through the various hallways.

"So, I can still smell food."

Luckily, I was right. The kitchen was large, with three refrigerators, two large tables which were pushed together to make one, and a few sinks.

"Food!" I called, racing toward the nearest refrigerator. Inside was a various assortment of food, ranging from yummy strawberries to… raw meat? Ew. I was just going to ignore that, just like I was ignoring the other Akatsuki members who were also in the room, and probably looking at me weird. I glanced back. Yep, they were looking at me weird, "Shut up, I'm hungry!" I growled at them, turning back toward the food.

"Hana-chan!" an excited voice yelled, and I felt arms close around me tightly. It was Tobi. I yelped and wrestled out of his arms.

"P-please don't touch me!" I stuttered, getting up and slightly backing away.

"Tobi is sorry, Tobi was just trying to be a good boy," Tobi said sadly.

I took a deep breath, "It's okay, just... don't do that again."

Once that incident was over, Izumi and I got our food and sat down. It was the most awkward breakfast of my life. For one thing, all the members were staring at us, and another, it was just too quiet.

"We won't bite you know," Izumi broke the silence.

"We're not used to chicks, un," Deidara said.

"Except for Konan, and she hangs out with Pein all the time," Kakuzu added.

"Oh, I thought you would be, considering that before we came, Konan wasn't the only one with feminine looks," I said, glancing at Deidara.

"Hey!"

"Heh, Deidara just got f***** burned," Hidan smirked.

Just then, the conversation was interrupted by the kitchen door opening. We all looked to see who it was. It was Itachi.

"Izumi, let's go," Itachi said.

"Why?"

"I'll brief you on our mission," he answered, walking back out the door.

"We have a mission! Why wasn't I told this!" Izumi looked angry," I have to get ready!" and she ran out of the room with a piece of toast.

I blinked, feeling awkward now that I was alone in a room full of sadistic criminals, "Well… crap…"

….

**Well, that was certainly longer than the last chapter. Did you guys like this chapter? Is the story good so far? I hope it is.**

**We do not own Naruto, just so you know, and we would be happy if you reviewed. Now, bye-bye! **


	8. Chapter 8

_Well, this is the 8__th__ Chapter of "Oh Crap." We hope you like it, and we appreciate your reviews._

_**Chapter 8**_

….(Izumi's POV)

"Itachi, I'm ready now," I said, coming out of my room. I had just gotten done packing. It hadn't taken very long, since I didn't have much to pack.

"All right." He nodded, "We'll be going to gather information about a new junchuuriki."

"How long is this mission going to take?" I asked. I wanted to know so then I could tell Hana when she should expect me back.

"Maybe a week, it could take longer."

I sighed. That seemed like such a long time at the moment, "Oh… okay… just so you know, my ninja skills are a little rusty, but they should be back to normal pretty soon." I smirked, and then did a punch in the air, pretending to be a strong ninja. I mean, hey, someone has got to lighten up the mood when this guy is around, but Itachi just turned around and started walking.

"You'd better keep up if you don't want to get lost."

"The, like I could," I gave a small laugh. He walked out of the hideout, "Hey, wait for me at least!" I chased after him.

"Hn, I told you to keep up," he said, turning his head so that he could shoot me a glare.

"Yeah, whatever." I went to his side, "So where's the Jinchuuriki?"

"The Mist Village." Wow, he always answers so bluntly, it's kind of annoying.

"Oh, ok," I smirked, "there's a lot of weird people. He didn't say anything, and kept walking, "Wow Itachi, you _would_ go back to your life of silence."

"Ninjas exist in the silence and shadows," He said, "if you can't remember that simple rule, then you're done for."

"Oh, thank you, I'll keep that in mind," I rolled my eyes sarcastically, and then muttered, "Like I care." I knew most attacks wouldn't be able to affect me because of my ability to change into water. I didn't have to worry much.

I spent too much time thinking about that, because I soon found myself sprawled on the ground with a tree root behind me, "Ow… stupid tree."

Itachi turned back, looking annoyed, but he didn't say or do anything.

"You know you could be polite and help me," I muttered angrily, glaring at him.

"I don't help fools."

"That's good to know," I propped myself up, and then sat criss-cross, "you ass."

He started to walk away. I go up and ran at him.

"Hey!" I tackled him, "You ass, you're supposed to wait for me at least!" I was about to punch him, but I stopped when I saw him just staring up at me, so instead of punching my own partner, I sat on him.

"You're heavy," Itachi muttered, after a minute or so of silence. I felt myself turn red, despite myself.

"Well, you're heavy enough to make my chest hurt." If he keeps saying that I'm heavy, I will punch him. He should know that you never tell a woman that she's heavy; it leads to death, or at least a few broken bones.

"Well, it's your own fault for being an ass," I said, crossing my arms, "And, for your information, I only weigh 105 pounds!"

Oh, there goes that almost smile again. Why does it make my heart race? No, bad Izumi! He's an ass, but a pretty good looking ass… No! Stop thinking Izumi!

As I mentally slapped myself, Itachi pushed me off, and got up, "Let's keep going."

I got up and said nothing, because I knew that if I talked that I would blurt out what I had just been thinking. That would not be good at all. I tend not to filter things out as they come out of my mouth, so most of the time I say whatever comes to mind.

After about an hour of silent walking, Itachi held his hand up to signal for me to stop, "We should take a break."

"Why?" I asked, "I'm not tired."

"It's a good thing to take periodic rests," was his simple answer. I rolled my eyes at him, and sat down, later deciding to lie down instead, and watch the clouds. It was a pretty nice day outside.

"Hey Itachi, what village are you from?" I asked after a while.

"Why do you care?"

"I want to know a _few_ things about my Akatsuki partner, other than you being an ass," I explained in an exasperated tone.

"In this organization, we keep our lives from before we came to ourselves," he said quietly, "but I'll tell you that I was from the Leaf Village."

"Okay, I was from the Grass Village, which is probably the worst village, but that's where I lived," I shrugged.

"At least your village doesn't hate you," I thought I heard Itachi say. It was so quiet that I had probably just imagined it, but if he said what I had thought he said… then he shouldn't assume such things. I remember when I had first gotten my curse mark, and after people had found out, they hated me, shunned me, and even took it out on my family at times, but now that is all in the past. It's over.

There was silence again, until I spoke, "Let's get going."

We didn't talk that time while walking, and surprisingly I enjoyed it, even if I wouldn't be able to stay quiet for long.

"Um, Itachi, can I ask you another question?" I asked, "Or would you rather I not?"

"Depends on what it is. I may not answer you," he told me.

"What's… your last name?"

He looked me straight in the eyes and said, "Uchiha."

It took a while for that to sink in, and when it had I started to talk again, "Oooooh, you're Sasuke's bro! Ha, you should have said! Me and him are tight, man!"

Of course, I was joking though. In fact, Sasuke and I hated each other.

Itachi's eyes widened slightly (if that's even possible) and then narrowed, "You've been with Orochimaru… it makes sense that you would be acquainted."

"…I was kidding. He hates my guts. In fact," I grinned, recalling the memory, "he once asked Orochimaru if he could use me for target practice." Of course, that was before most of the experiments happened, and I had gained my ability. That day hurt a lot.

"He did?"

"Yep," I smirked again, still remembering. I pulled up one of my shirt sleeves, "Still have the scars." And there it was, my biggest scar, over three inches long. I was proud of that scar, and sometimes used to brag about it to Hana.

I saw Itachi looking at the scar. Was it just me, or did he almost look concerned for a millisecond?

We were silent for a while.

"…Sasuke, did he ever… mention me?"

"Not that I noticed," I shook my head, "but I think Orochimaru said something about you once, but Sasuke doesn't talk much."

"Fools talk too much, but Sasuke is a fool for other reasons."

I said nothing to that comment, but after ten minutes of silence, I couldn't take it anymore. How could this guy keep quiet for so long? But, surprisingly, I was not the one who talked first.

"There's a small village up ahead. We'll stop there for the day," he said.

"Okay," I nodded, and we walked on.


	9. Chapter 9

_Chapter 9, well… it's not as long as the last one was, but it should be fine. I hope you all like it, we appreciate your reviews. Thank you all who are reading this. Now, enjoy._

_**Chapter 9**_

….(Hana's POV)

"Tobi can talk to Hana-chan now that her friend is gone!" Tobi told me excitedly. Man, was he ever hyper. I was kind of annoyed by him, but I knew I would be extremely bored if he wasn't here. So, I decided to talk to him.

"Okay Tobi, what do you want to talk to me about?" My voice sounded dead, monotonous, but Tobi didn't seem to care.

"Hana-chan, guess what Tobi thinks?" He looked at me eagerly, well, I thought it was eagerly. You could never really tell with him always wearing that mask of his.

"What, Tobi?"

"I think Izumi-chan is going to like Itachi a lot!" he whispered loudly into my ear. That was ridiculous. How could Izumi ever like that stuck up brat Itachi, he doesn't even talk! Plus, she was terrified of that guy, even I could tell that! There's no way that that could happen.

"I don't know, Tobi… she seems to afraid of him for that to happen," I told him.

"No, Tobi thinks he will be right!" Tobi said, almost as if he was trying to persuade me.

I shook my head, "She too smart to like someone who won't like her back."

He was silent for a moment, and then asked almost quietly, "Does Hana-chan like somebody?"

"I don't know, Tobi. I've only been here a short amount of time," I shrugged.

"You can like Tobi if you want!" There was hope in his excited voice. It kind of made me want to laugh, but I didn't. Instead, I ruffled his hair like he was a little kid. Heck, he might be a little kid. He acts like one.

"Thanks for the offer, Tobi."

"Hana-chan, you're messing up Tobi's hair."

Oh my god… that sounded adorable! Is this little cupcake guy growing on me?

"Sorry, Tobi-kun."

When I added kun to the end of his name, it was like turning on a switch in Tobi. He glomped me again, like he had this morning, but this time I let him. Maybe… just maybe… I could learn to like Tobi.

"Oh my gosh, you're so cute!" I squealed, hugging him back. Hey, I couldn't help it, besides, I was happy hugging him for some reason.

"Hey Tobi, do you like training?" I asked.

Tobi nodded excitedly, "Yes, Tobi wants to be buff!"

"Well do you want to train with me?"

"Yes! Tobi wants to a lot!"

So that settled it. We headed out to where we fought the other day. The sunlight filtered through the treetops, creating dappled shadows in various places. The effect was really cool, making the forest look like one of those magical forests that you find in fairytales.

"So what does Hana-chan want to do?" Tobi asked me.

"Uh… crap, I don't know," I shrugged. I guess I hadn't really thought about the whole training idea. It had just popped into my mind.

"You can work on Tiajutsu! Tobi can help!"

"…okay."

"Yes!" Tobi yelled happily. We both got into a good fighting position. I stared him down, ready for the fight to begin. He began with a simple kick, which I blocked, and then went for my own attack. I punched, and he dodged.

"Why are you so quick?" I demanded, gasping for breath after about ten minutes of trying to land an attack on him. None of them had worked. He had dodged them all, and I was getting frustrated.

"Tobi doesn't know," he shrugged, "Tobi is just naturally a good boy.

I crossed my arms, and stuck my tongue out at him childishly, "I don't want to train anymore."

"Is Hana-chan mad at Tobi?" he asked, sounding distraught.

"No, I'm mad at my horrible ninja skills."

"Hana-chan shouldn't be mad at herself! Tobi doesn't want Hana-chan to be mad!" He hugged me, "Hana-chan is a good ninja."

"Thank you, Tobi," I smiled.

"Hey, Hana-chan, you came from Orochimaru's hideout, right?" he asked.

I nodded, "Yeah, what about it?"

"Was he mean to you?"

There was a lot of ways to define that, "Well, he did experiments on me… and used me to give him chakra a few times…" I trailed off, "Yeah, I guess he was."

"You don't need to worry about that now! You're safe with Tobi!"

That was all I needed to hear. Even though I don't trust people easily, I began to trust Tobi. I mean, he's so cute, how could you not trust him?

**Well, that was considerably shorter than the last chapter, more so than I had though… Oh well. We do NOT own Naruto, but that's okay. I'm sure if we did, than we would have to go through a bunch of financial issues, bleh! Anyway, we hope you enjoyed this chapter, so please review! **


	10. Chapter 10

_Well, here is chapter 10. Heheh, this chapter was extremely fun for us to write, so we really hope you enjoy it, and if you do, review. Reviews are greatly appreciated. Now, I shall present to you, Chapter 10._

_**Chapter 10**_

….(Izumi's POV)

When Itachi and I had arrived in the small town, we headed straight for the hotel. It was nice sized, not overly fancy, clean, and it had those little mints at the reception desk. I grabbed one, and plopped it in my mouth. I love mints.

"We would like to make some room arrangements," Itachi said to the lady at the desk.

"Like, the same room? Are you guys married?" she asked. I was starting to dislike her because of that marriage comment.

"No."

"Boyfriend and girlfriend?"

"No."

"Oh, so…" she leaned over to Itachi's side, and whispered loudly, "She's your prostitute?"

"NO!"

"How much did you pay her, because I'd do it for free?" She winked. Oh, my… did she seriously just do that? I think I may just go puke. I stared at her with a gaping mouth. To be honest, she reminded me of how Kabuto is with Orochimaru… ew.

"Just give us some rooms, unless you'd like to see hell for 72 hours," Itachi growled.

"Oh, you'd give me hell for 72 hours? You must go a long time, don't you?" the woman winked again. I was seriously a second away from punching her ugly little face out, and walking out the door.

"Izumi, we're leaving." Itachi must've read my mind. He turned right around and walked out.

"You don't need to tell me twice." I stomped out the door after him. Once we were outside, we started walking again to go look for a different place, "I was about ready to kill her."

"I would've, but we have to keep quiet on this mission, or else it's not going to work," he said.

"I guess you're right," I muttered, still fuming about that woman's comment. Seriously though, how in the hell did she think I was a… I'm not even going to say it, but seriously, they dress like sluts, and I'm wearing this giant cloak! WTF!

We kept walking, searching for a different hotel. I just hope that it's better than the last one.

Itachi soon spotted a house where the owner was offering rooms for the night. The man who owned it was old, and was glad to have us stay for the night, "I'll let you two have two rooms for the price of one," the nice old man said, "You young people need your space."  
…the old man probably thought we were going to… yeah. It seems like everyone in this town thinks that way. What is wrong with these people?

"Thank you," Itachi said, giving him a slight nod. The owner handed us each a key, and we headed to our rooms. I went in my room for a moment to set my supplies down, and then walked out again. I wanted to go for a walk, so I was going to go let Itachi know.

"Hey, Itachi," I called into his room, "I'm going to go for a walk. Do you mind being alone for a while?"

"No, just don't get caught," he warned.

"Okay, I'll be back in an hour."

Then, I left, but I soon found that what Itachi had told me to do was impossible. After only ten minutes of walking, a few ninjas randomly stopped me. Stupid ninjas. There were three of them, all wearing Mist headbands.

"You must be one stupid Akatsuki member to wear your cloak in public," one sneered, grabbing onto my arm.

"I just found it, I didn't know it was the Akatsuki's, whoever those people are," I said evenly, shrugging his hand off of my arm.

"Right," he scoffed, "You think we can't tell when you're lying?"

"No, obviously you can't. Your skills at detecting lies are terrible. If you knew anything about lying, then you would be able to tell that I am not lying," I said calmly, almost in a professional voice.

"Quiet, brat," he snarled, "You're coming with us."

"Like hell I am!" I pulled away from them, and began to run. I ran through various streets yelling, "Help, those men are trying to violate me! They're rapists, I swear!"

I ran past the place where I was staying. I couldn't go there, it would give away where Itachi was, and that we were staying there.

"Get back here!" the Mist team yelled from behind. I could hear them pulling weapons from their pouches. They wouldn't dare start a fight in a crowd, would they? Yes, they would. Soon, they started whipping various weapons in my direction. I dodged, but barely. I needed a plan.

I got it! I got a plan! Yes, there's no way that this will fail! I stopped and waited for them to catch up, and when they did, one took a katana from a sheath, which hung on his back, and went for a fatal blow… well, fatal to most people at least. Man, they were in for a surprise when they find out what I can do.

The blade tore through my body, and I grinned as each half fell to the ground.

"We got her!" they cheered, oblivious to my smirk.

"You guys are so stupid," I chuckled as the two halves melded together.

Their faces immediately dropped as they saw me rise from the ground. They stared in shock as I merely dusted myself off, "Is that the best you Mist freaks can do? Well…you suck." Those were the last words they heard.

I went back to the place where we were staying happy and content… until I entered the door that is. Itachi stood in front of the door glaring.

"I thought I told you not to get caught," he said coolly.

"Uh… they started it?" I said in a small voice, hoping that he wouldn't be too mad, but that only seemed to piss him off more. I was soooo going to die. I started to walk toward me, and I stepped back nervously.

"Do you think I'm going to attack you?" Itachi asked, still advancing.

"Uh, hell yeah, you look like you're going to," I gulped.

"You're foolish." His mouth twitched into a small smile. Holy crap, is that even physically possible? Then, he did something unexpected. He poked me in the forehead with two fingers, sending me back against the wall. I rubbed the spot where he poked me.

"Uh… thanks for not killing me."

"You killed the Mist ninjas I presume?" Itachi asked.

"Yeah, don't worry, you don't have to worry about them anymore," I told him.

"Good, now we have to leave though. The Mist knows where we are."

"Sorry I ruined the mission, Itachi," I mumbled, "I guess I'm not used to being out in public yet."

"It's fine," Itachi said in his usual, quiet voice, "We can always kill them if there is more."

"Yes, because killing is the answer to everything," I answered sarcastically. He didn't say anything, "Great, back to the silence treatment again. Fine."

**Well… that chapter was longer than the last, it always seems like Hana's are always shorter, but don't worry, they'll get longer as the story goes on. **

**Well, here's the disclaimer, as usual: We do NOT own Naruto. If we did, then the dang thing would be done already.**


	11. Chapter 11

_Well, here's chapter 11. Sorry I didn't update sooner, I was at a basketball camp for 3 days, so then if I type something wrong then you must assume that I'm too tired from basketball to give a shit._

_**Chapter 11**_

…..(Hana's POV)

"Hana-chan, Hana-chan wake up!" Tobi's voice… it's nice… but I'm taking a nap, and I'm still sleepy, "Please wake up, Hana-chan!"

"What for?" I asked sleepily.

"We are getting a mission!" Tobi suddenly jumped up on my bed, and started bouncing. He's just lucky that he's on my good side, because if anyone else tried to jump on my bed when I'm in my half-dead state, then they would probably die.

"We have to go see Pein!" Tobi yelled.

I scowled as my body flew up and down from his bouncing, "But, I don't wanna."

"But if you don't come, Pein will get really mad! He's really mean when something doesn't go his way!" Tobi protested.

"Fine," I muttered, "Just stop bouncing please."

Tobi flopped down beside me on the bed in a final bounce, and stared at me. Well, I think he was staring. I could never tell with that mask always covering his face.

"What?" I asked defensively, just in case he was staring.

"Hana-chan looks funny," Tobi giggled.

"Well I just woke up!"

"Tobi didn't finish what he was saying! Tobi meant that Hana-chan looks funny in a cute way!" Tobi explained happily. I gulped and blushed, feeling self-conscious.

I pointed to the door, "Okay then, Tobi. Leave so I can change into something more comfortable, since we're going on a mission."

"Fine…" Tobi sounded disappointed, but he left, shutting the door.

I quickly changed, and did a loose braid with my hair. I stopped in front of the mirror, and stared at my reflection. I looked a lot healthier than I had at Orochimaru's lair. In fact, my hair looked shinier, and more violet-lavender if possible… but how would I know, there weren't many mirrors back at Orochimaru's so I couldn't really tell if there had been much of a change.

After I was done, I went to meet Tobi and Pein in the office.

"You're late," Pein stated, as I entered. I nodded, and didn't say anything as he continued, "You and Tobi are going to do me a favor. I have a guy in the Grass Village who gives me information. Go and retrieve some information from him, and give him this in return." He handed Tobi an envelope as my head reeled. The Grass Village? No, I can't go back home! It can't happen, they hate Izumi and I there! If they saw either one of us there, then they'd probably kill us. Damn that Orochimaru, making them believe that we would help him take over the village for him, and damn him for making them believe that we would betray them all!

I must have gone pale, because Tobi started to try and comfort me, "It's okay, Hana-chan, You'll be Tobi, so you'll be safe!"

"Y-yeah, sure…" I mumbled, "Let's just get this over with, okay?"

Tobi nodded, "Tobi agrees!" We grabbed some food and supplies, and then left the hideout.

We walked through the trees. It was kind of awkward though, because Tobi kept asking questions about my life.

Finally, I snapped from the tension of heading to the Grass, "Tobi, just shut up, please!"

Tobi went quiet immediately. I felt bad, but I couldn't find a way to say sorry.

A while later we finally took a break, and we still hadn't talked. It was awkward.

"Does Hana-chan hate Tobi now?" Tobi finally asked quietly.

"No Tobi," I sighed, "Look, I'm sorry. I'm just stressed. The Grass Village used to be my home, and going back scares the hell out of me."

"Hana-chan is stressed?" Tobi asked, "Tobi can take care of that!"

He came up behind me, and put his hands on my shoulders

I blushed and stared, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you doing?"

"Just relax…" Tobi whispered. He began to massage my shoulders. It felt really good. How did Tobi ever learn to give a good massage?

"How is Hana-chan now?" Tobi asked. His voice held a slight silky edge in it.

"F-fine," I answered shakily out of surprise at what he was doing.

"Hana-chan, is Tobi a good boy?" he asked in the same voice.

"Yes," I whispered back, "a very good boy."

"Does Hana-chan like this?"

"Uh-huh…" I mumbled as his hands moved to my back. Tobi removed the braid from my hair, and it flowed against my back, "Tobi, what are you…"I trailed off.

"Hana-chan looks prettier like this," Tobi said, turning me toward him.

I blushed a deep, blazing red, "T-Tobi!"

"It's time to get moving now!" Tobi's voice returned to its normal, child-like tone. He got up and grabbed his bag.

I sat there dumbstruck, "…the hell?"

Tobi began to walk away, and I had no other choice but to follow.

**Well, that's the end of that chapter. We don't own Naruto.**


	12. Chapter 12

_Well, sorry for the wait for this chapter, I was busy… and I procrastinated! Just looking at this chapter here in my notebook just makes me tired. It looks long… really long. So many pages, what am I going to do! …well, better get typing. You guys better review a lot for this._

_**Chapter 12**_

….(Izumi's POV

We had stopped in a clearing to set up camp. Itachi still hadn't said a thing since we left the village, and even though he didn't seem mad when we had left, I was starting to think that he was mad at me for that incident with those Mist ninjas.

"Itachi… are you sure you're not… mad at me?" I asked hesitantly.

"I'm annoyed, but that's totally different then anger," Itachi said. Oh great, he's annoyed with me, isn't that just great, and I thought my self-esteem was low enough already. He kept talking, "Besides, I'm always annoyed, no matter what. The feeling has deadened."

Good, he's not annoyed specifically with me.

"So I'm off the hook then?" I was still wondering if I was in trouble for the incident.

"Yes, but frankly, you never were on the hook."

I gave a sigh of relief, "Thank god."

"But, it does bother me that whenever you make a mistake, you expect me to kill you or something," he continued. To be honest, I think this is the most he's talked in his whole life.

I stared at him, and then looked away, "Well... I don't know, it's just that… after Orochimaru's… Hana and I haven't… well, what I'm trying to say, is that we don't exactly trust people much."

"I understand, Orochimaru makes people go backwards," Itachi nodded.

"You sound like you speak from experience," I joked.

Itachi stared at me, "… I do."

"What, seriously?" I stared at him questioningly. There was so much I don't know about this man. He's a mystery that I wouldn't mind figuring out… wait, did I just think that? WTF!

"Orochimaru used to be part of the Akatsuki," Itachi explained, "He wanted me to be his new body."

"Gee, I wonder why," I muttered. Come to think of it, Orochimaru probably wanted Itachi's body just to look better… and for other reasons… eww, what a fucking pervert.

"I refused him," Itachi continued, "So he ran away, and he is now using my brother. All he wants is the sharingan." He told me, "Izumi, did that man do anything horrible to you?"

I looked away and pulled up my sleeve that covered the curse marked arm to reveal the curse mark, and the scar that Sasuke had given me. I then pulled up my other sleeve to reveal multiple scars from a couple knives and various needles, "Experiments," I muttered.

"Sickening," Itachi shook his head. Was he talking about my scars? It's not like it was my fault that I had them! He continued speaking, "It's a good thing that Kisame and I found you two then."

Why was Itachi talking so much?

"Yeah, I guess so." I stared at my scars. Compared to Itachi's handsomeness, they looked so ugly that I wanted to burn them. I hated the scars. They made me feel… worthless, and weak. They sickened me. I just wanted them to go away. Why did I show Itachi my scars? He must think that I look horrible! Not that I cared what he thought, but still, I didn't want anyone to think poorly of me.

I quickly pulled my sleeve back down, and looked away. I had to get away. I stood up, "I- I'm going for another walk," I said shakily, then starting to walk away. I needed to leave, before I started to cry or something. I wouldn't want Itachi to see that, and think I'm weak.

"Don't get caught again," Itachi said. It almost sounded as if he was joking.

"I-I won't." Could he not see that I was about to have a mental breakdown? I started to leave, "I don't know when I'll be back, sorry."

Once I was out of the clearing and into the trees, I started to run. I had to get as far away as possible before I totally broke down. Just when I got maybe 100 feet away I couldn't hold the tears in any longer, and they broke free with a loud sob. Shit, why can't things go right for me for once! I wiped my eyes. I hated crying.

"Erg, I hate crying!" I whispered angrily to myself, as if maybe scolding myself would make me stop crying. It didn't help, "Stupid crying, it's a waste of bodily fluids! Why am I like this?"

I sat down beside a tree, and buried my face in my hands, "Damn it! Damn you Orochimaru! I hope you die!" I screamed, quickly regretting it. Sure, it felt good to get my frustration out, but I probably should have been quieter. I didn't want Itachi to hear me, so I decided to go farther away from our camp, or at least hide, just in case Itachi had already heard me and was now coming. I looked up at the trees, deciding it was the best place.

I was about to jump up, when I heard someone behind me.

"Why are you crying?" Oh crap, it was Itachi.

"Uh-uh, I got dirt in my eyes," I hastily answered.

"No," Itachi came up to me, "you're angry at yourself, and at Orochimaru."

"…How could you tell?" I muttered.

"Izumi, you can cry. Don't let it bottle up inside you until you snap," Itachi said quietly.

"But, I can't cry! I don't want to cry! It's a sign of weakness! I don't want to be weak!"

"Crying isn't a sign of weakness; it's a sign of human emotion. You should show it."

"Oh, so when are you such an expert on emotion, Mr. I have a blank slate for a face?" I snapped. Realizing what I had just said, I quickly apologized, "Sorry, I'm just… I'm sorry."

"It's fine. Like I said, let it out." Itachi sounded like a life coach… which was weird.

"But, I don't want to, I hate it!" I cried harder, much to my disappointment.

Itachi put a hand on my shoulder, acting almost like a concerned parent or relative.

I sniffed, as snot started to drip from my nose. I felt gross, and what made it all the worse was that Itachi was watching me at the ugliest time in my life. I looked horrible. This sucked.

"Izumi, do you mind if we swap stories?" Itachi asked.

I stared at him, blinking my tears away so that I could see him more clearly, "What the hell do you mean?"

"You could tell me your childhood, and I…I'll tell you mine."

"…U-uh… o-okay. Do you want to go first?" I asked. I was nervous about telling him. I didn't like to talk about it, and I even avoided thinking about it if possible.

"Fine, I'll go first," Itachi shrugged, "I was born and raised in the Leaf Village. I was… a very good ninja, a prodigy, even by Uchiha standards. I became a ninja at a very early age, "he paused, thinking, "As I grew up, Sasuke looked to me for attention, since my father rarely paid him any attention, but one day the Hokage told me to kill the clan, because of their threat to the village. So I did," he finished.

"Wow… your story makes mine look like a fairytale," I blinked, and then began, "Well, I had a pretty good childhood… nice parents… older brother… but when Orochimaru came to our village he began to form himself an influential place in society, but for the most part, everyone wanted him gone. After a while, some of our ninjas started to disappear, so the village leaders sent Hana and me to see what he was up to. As you can imagine, a fight broke out between Orochimaru and us, and we almost won… but he was too strong. I guess he was impressed by us, so he gave us curse marks, but once people found out about them they thought we had joined him. They tried to get rid of us, many times in fact. For the most part we hid with our families for a while until Orochimaru came to claim us."

"That bastard killed them," I continued, "He killed mom and dad… and even older brother!" I cried angrily. There was silence for a moment.

"I'm sorry," Itachi finally said after a while.

I laughed bitterly, "For what?"

"I once had the opportunity to kill Orochimaru, but I didn't," Itachi explained.

"But Itachi, then we would have never met." I clamped my hand over my mouth the instant those words came out, but like it'd do any good.

"I guess you're right," Itachi smiled sadly… wait what? Itachi is smiling? Holy crap!

"Now your face isn't a blank slate, it's a smiley face, a sad smiley face," I gave a small laugh through my tears.

A couple minutes passed, and a new realization dawned on me, "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry, Itachi! I just wasted a lot of your time! I'm sorry! This must be so weird for you, I mean, you're sitting here with a girl that's crying her eyes out, and has crap all over her face now for no reason! I'm sorry!"

"I don't mind, just don't tell anyone that this ever happened and that I'm actually a nice person," Itachi said calmly.

"I won't if you won't tell them I cried," I promised.

"You have my word as a shinobi."

**See why I was procrastinating so much. This dumb chapter took me 2 hours to type up. You guys better be happy! Or else I'll make Itachi use his sharingan on you!**

**Oh, and just so you know, I do not own Naruto.**


	13. Chapter 13

_Okay, sorry this wasn't up earlier. I've been really busy lately. Also, next week and a couple weeks after that there will probably be no updates, because I'm going on vacation, and there is county fair. So enjoy this chapter. I'm not sure if I'll be able to get the next one up, but I'll try!_

_**Chapter 13**_

….(Hana's POV)

"Tobi likes to camp, Hana-chan!" Tobi yelled happily, as we began to set up camp for the night.

"I can tell," I grinned. I finished pitching the tent, and sat down.

"Let's roast marshmallows, and tell scary stories!" he begged. I don't even know if we brought marshmallows. Tobi pulled out a bag of marshmallows, and started to begin what I assume was his scary story, "Okay, once upon a time, Tobi went outside, and he became a BAD boy." He shivered in fear.

I dropped my marshmallow into the fire on accident as I registered what he had just said. I laughed, "Y-You were a BAD BOY!"

"It's not funny!" Tobi cried out, "Don't laugh at Tobi!"

"I'm not laughing at you Tobi, I'm laughing at the story," I giggled. Tobi crossed his arms, and I had a feeling that he was sticking his tongue out at me behind his mask.

"I don't care," he pouted.

"Did you just… speak in first person?" I blinked.

"…NO!"

"Oh yes you did!"I crawled close to him, and stared, "Do it again.

"No, you can't make me! Oh, crap!" Tobi face palmed his mask.

"It's okay, Tobi… I kind of like it."

"Are you sure?" the silky voice from before was back.

I nodded, "Yes, why don't you do it more often?"

"It's a secret; you'll have to find out." He put a finger to his mask where I assume his mouth must be underneath.

"Really?" I raised my eyebrow.

"I'll give you a little hint, Hana." He slipped his mask off partly to reveal an eye, "but I doubt that you'll figure it out."

His eye was a bright red, and it had… it had three dot like marks in it? The hell, man? Itachi and Sasuke have those same eyes!

"A-are you a… Uchiha?"

"You're correct," Tobi chuckled darkly, "Dear Hana, I normally wouldn't show anyone my eye, but you interest me."

Man, he seems really creepy, "Are you going to rape me?" I backed away quickly. Orochimaru move on Izumi and I once almost exactly like this- well, in a way- at the same time!

"No, I'm not going to hurt you, Hana," he reassured me. I gave a sigh of relief.

"Are you frightened now?" he asked. He leaned forward, so that we were centimeters apart.

"No, I'm a little creeped out, but I'm not scared," I answered.

"Good," he said, leaning even closer.

"Are you sure you aren't going to rape me?" I squeaked. Why did he keep getting closer?

"I assure you; I will not hurt you in any way. You'll enjoy this." He took my face in one hand and pulled his mask off with the other, and pressed his lips against mine in one fluid motion. He… he was a really good kisser. I kissed back.

"To…bi…" I whispered through the kiss. I shivered. I knew I shouldn't be doing this, but… I love this so much.

Sadly though, Tobi stopped.

"No, please don't stop," I whispered, breathing hard against his chest.

He put a finger to my lips, "Shh, It's time for you to sleep, Hana."

"But, Tobi-"

"When I am like this, I am Madara Uchiha," he answered, almost proudly.

"Madara…" I tasted the name on my tongue.

"Goodnight, Hana." I looked at him, and blacked out.

**Well, that was short, but oh well. We do not own Naruto. Reviews are appreciated!**


	14. Chapter 14

_Okay, so this may be one of the last updates this month because I'm going on vacation in a week, and county fair is starting. I will try to update as much as possible this week though, but don't get mad at me if I don't. I'm going to be very busy. Anyway, I present to you the 14__th__ Chapter. Hope you enjoy it, we appreciate reviews!_

_**Chapter 14**_

….(Izumi's POV)

Itachi was sleeping on one side of the camp and I on the other, just so it wasn't inappropriate or anything like that.

"Hey, Itachi," I whispered.

"What?" He seemed tired… and crabby. Crap, now he's going to get annoyed.

"I'm cold," I shivered. I should just shut up now. I know he hates complaints.

"Well get your blanket."

"I'm using it but I'm still cold!"

"Oh." He sighed, and was silent for a moment, "Do you… never mind, it sound stupid."

But, by the time he had started to talk, I had already dozed off, but not before I heard him give a scowl.

….

When I woke up the next morning I was… oh. My. God. Itachi is holding me… and staring at me. Oh wow.

"I-Itachi, w-what's going on?" I stammered, feeling my face go red.

"After you fell asleep, you wouldn't stop whining about being cold. This seemed to solve the problem," he said calmly.

I gulped, "R-really? Oh crap, I'm so sorry!"

He kept staring.

"I really am! Oh my gosh, I can't believe I bothered you like that!" I was gripping his shirt and shaking him, as if that would convince him, "I'm so sorry!"

"Izumi, I can't breathe," he said in that calm voice again.

"Wah! I'm so sorry!" I smacked myself, "Did I say or do anything last night?"

"Well…"

"What did I do? Tell me!" I was so worried… what if I …did something bad.

"You mostly just talked to me." Itachi smirked.

"Ah! What did I say?"

"I couldn't tell. You were mumbling, but at one point you grabbed on to me really tight and screamed," he told me.

"Seriously, I did that to you? I'm so sorry!" I was so pissed at myself. I can't believe I did that, "You should have woken me up and punched me or something! You should have! I'm really sorry Itachi!" I pleaded.

"I get it, you're sorry!" Itachi shook me instead, "Izumi, let's just forget about it."

"But I really am sorry! I just can't believe that I bothered you so much!"

"Izumi, if we're going to have an apology fight then we should get out of this position first," Itachi pointed out. Oh… we were still lying next to one another, practically inches away… well, isn't this awkward.

"Uh…" My face went to an even darker red.

"You don't want to, do you?" he asked, almost knowingly. How was I supposed to answer a question like that?

"No… maybe… I don't know… is this a trick question?" I stammered.

"No," Itachi answered me with an amused smirk.

"Well I… I uh, want to stay... in your arms…" I whispered the last part, and his arms tightened around me, "I-Itachi!"

"What?" He had his almost smile on his face. I felt all warm and fuzzy in Itachi's arms. Was I falling in love with him? If I was… then every little step along the way was awesome.

"Itachi-san…" I sighed, "I-"

"You sound amazingly cute when you add san to my name," Itachi said, twirling a strand of my black hair. (that was OOC… but oh well. Deal with it.)

I felt myself go even redder, if that was even possible, "Why are you acting like this all of a sudden?"

"To tell you the truth… I don't know, but you make me feel… like a different person," he murmured. He was so close now… what should I do? Spaz out… or kiss him? I… I'll just not do anything, and let him make the first move instead.

Itachi moved closer so that our faces were centimeters apart, "Do you care… if I kiss you, Izumi?"

"No," I whispered, "You can do whatever you want. Unless it's… well, you get the point."

"Don't worry, I won't go to those extremes," he chuckled, and then almost without warning, he kissed me. I'd never been kissed before, but I'm pretty sure that this was the best kiss seen on Earth yet. I wrapped my arms around him.

He broke away after a while, "I shouldn't be doing this. It's not allowed in the Akatsuki."

"Pein won't know. It will be our secret," I said. After tasting Itachi once, I couldn't help but want him even more now, "We don't have to stop."

"I guess we could make it work," Itachi whispered, kissing me again.

"We'll have to… I'm not letting you go that easily," I said, hugging him after we broke away.

"Izumi… I- I think that… I may be in love with you," he smiled.

"I know you do, silly!" I said jokingly.

"You're right… I do," Itachi nodded, kissing my neck and then moving up.

"That tickles!" I laughed, "Itachi…"

He stopped and started holding my hands, staring into my eyes.

"…This is getting awkward now," I whispered after a few minutes.

"Yes, we should probably get going now," Itachi said.

"Well you're a fun ruiner," I muttered, getting up.

"Yes, yes I am."

**Well, that's the end of that chapter, and yes I know Itachi was a little OOC… but oh well. **

**We do not own Naruto. **

**Reviews are greatly appreciated!**

**Bye!**


	15. Chapter 15

_Well, this will be the last update for a couple weeks, since I'm going on vacation, but while you wait you can read another one of our new stories. It's called Hocus Pocus no Jutsu, and personally, I think it will turn out pretty funny. There are only 2 chapters in that story so far, but that's okay. I'm sure Yuki will update later._

_Anyway, I shall now present to you… (suspense)… Chapter… uh, let's see… um… oh, I know! Here is Chapter 15!_

_**Chapter 15**_

…..(Hana's POV)

"So, who are you today?" I asked Tobi/Madara as we ate breakfast at our small camp near the Grass Village. He looked at me.

"Who do you want me to be today?"

"I don't really care. Madara is nice and seductive, but Tobi is funny and hyper," I replied, shrugging.

I could have sworn that he was smirking at me under his mask, "I can be both, if you want."

"Sure," I nodded, setting down my empty cereal bowl.

"Do you want me to talk in first person or third?"

"Hmm… I think first."

"Okay then," He nodded.

"Do I call you Tobi or Madara? I mean, Tobi is easier to say, but Madara sounds sexier," I blushed as I asked this.

"Just call me Tobi, like you said, it's easier to say."

"Okay, Tobi."

After we had finished discussing, we started to pack up.

"We need to get going, we have to meet the source early afternoon today," Tobi said once we were done.

"Well, we're almost there, it shouldn't take long to get there," I assured him, "Let's go Tobi."

We started to walk. I was nervous, what if someone recognized me? I just don't know, I have this gut feeling that things are going to go differently than expected…

After a while, Tobi poked me in the back, "Hey, are you all right? You seem really quiet."

"I'm fine," my voice cracked, "I'm just worried."

"Hana, you shouldn't worry. I'm here," Tobi said, almost protectively.

"It's just… the Grass Village… I don't want to go back," I trailed off, trying not to say anything more. I didn't want to burden him with my past… besides, if I did, I might just cry.

"Hana, tell me," he ordered softly, "Tell me what happened to you, I want to know."

"Are you sure?" I sniffed. Oh great, I can just feel the waterworks coming. I hate crying, I just hope that I have enough self control to hold it in.

Tobi nodded, and I took a deep breath, "Okay, I had an okay childhood, not the worst, not the best. I became a chunin at age thirteen, and then at age fourteen Orochimaru practically attacked the village. He gave Izumi and I a curse mark for absolutely no reason, and when our families found out they tried to protect us, but Orochimaru killed them. Later he brought us to his lair, and then five years later he let us go, and now I'm here," I finished. I was proud of myself. I hadn't cried!

Tobi was silent, staring at me, "And are you… glad that you're here now?"

I nodded, "It's been… fun, being with you."

"Good," Tobi nodded happily. Oh, he's so hot! "Now let's get going."

And so, we started to walk again.

….

We entered the Grass Village a couple hours later, and I was practically shaking with fear and nervousness. Luckily, Tobi didn't point it out.

"Come on, we're supposed to meet the guy at a restaurant," Tobi said.

"Well, if we go for lunch before we meet him… can we count it as a date?" I asked, blushing.

"Yes."

"Yeay!" I hugged him.

"Hana, you're choking me," he said.

"Sorry," I let go in embarrassment.

"it's fine," He patted my head. We found the restaurant in no time. I had to put on a hood so that nobody would recognize my purple hair. We went in and sat down. A couple people working there looked at us kind of confused, and then I saw why. A small but bright lock of my purple hair was hanging out of my hood… crap.

"Hey, isn't that-"

"I think it is!"

"But she shouldn't be here!"

"We should tell someone!"

"Tobi," I whispered, ignoring the talk around me, "They know it's me!"

"Calm down, Hana," Tobi said, putting a hand on my arm, "Our source has arrived." As he said this, a man slipped into the booth next to Tobi. He looked normal, with brown hair and brown eyes. He looked at us, and we nodded.

"Akatsuki members, I am Mori. I am here to deliver the information that Pein-sama has requested," He began, "Sasuke Uchiha seems to be breaking from Orochimaru. I am afraid he will kill him soon."

My eyes widened. If that was true then… Izumi won't be able to kill him. Wait… isn't Sasuke going to kill his brother? Then that means… crap, all this thinking is hurting my head. If Tobi was right when he said that Izumi was going to like Itachi then… if Sasuke kills him she'll be sad. Man this sucks, Izumi gets totally depressed when she gets sad.

"Are you absolutely sure?" I demanded.

Mori nodded, "Yes," He held out his hand for his payment, "That is all of the information I have now. Now give me the payment and I'll be off."

Tobi gave him the envelope, "Thank you."

"Tobi, this is awful!" I hit my head on the table, "Sasuke's going to mess up everything! That idiot!" Man, when Izumi find out, she'll be pissed.

"I don't think we can stop Sasuke, we'll have to let things take their course," Tobi said.

I turned away, "I don't care, I'm going to kill that tard!"

Tobi sighed, "We'll talk about this later, for now let's enjoy this date."

" Okay," I gave a small smile. We ordered food, and began to talk, but were interrupted by the restaurant door flying open. A ninja ran in.

"There she is!" he yelled, pointing at me.

"Crap, Tobi, let's go!" I muttered, standing up.

"Why, don't you want to settle this?" Tobi asked. I could hear the anger in his voice.

"Well yeah, but-," I broke off, "Okay, let's do it."

"That's what I wanted to hear," Tobi nodded.

Okay, time for the jutsu that I used to use on Juugo whenever he went crazy. I can… make people feel emotions with my chakra! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

I ran over to the ninja and put my hand on him, "You want to let us go, right?" I asked, sending happy chakra into him.

"Yeah, but first we have to have a tea party with the rainbow unicorn fairies," he yelled happily… I have a feeling that I gave him too much happy chakra.

"Okay, you can do that; just don't tell anyone that we are here, okay?" I winked. He nodded happily, and walked out. I turned to see another ninja come in, "Now it's your turn!"

He looked at me scared, as I put my hand on him. After a moment, he started to cry.

"Why do I feel so depressed all of a sudden?" he cried. He thought for a moment, "Oh yeah, now I remember, it's because my wife wants a divorce, but I don't because when we make love it's magic!" he sobbed.

"It's okay, "I patted his back, "Just go home and give your wife some flowers, and forget about this whole thing, okay?"

He nodded and walked out the door.

Everyone stared.

I grabbed Tobi's arm, and dragged him out the door, "So did you like my technique?"

He burst out laughing, "That was the funniest thing I have ever seen, Hana!"

"I know, it's awesome," I agreed. Later it dawned on me; I was going to use that jutsu to defeat Sasuke.

**Man, that was long, you better be happy. We don't own Naruto.**


	16. Chapter 16

_Okay, I better start off with apologies since I've been gone so long. I am deeply sorry for the wait on this chapter, I was on vacation without a computer. It sucked. _

_Right now I shall thank those who have been staying with this story even though I only update every so often. Also, thank you everyone for all of the reviews that you have given this story, they are greatly appreciated! And now, it's time for… Chapter 16! _

_**Chapter 16**_

…. (Izumi's POV)

"You know, this mission is really boring, "I remarked to Itachi, as we walked at a steady pace to the Mist Village.

"Kissing me is boring?" Itachi raised an eyebrow.

"Wha- no, of course not! I meant… it's just taking awhile just to get some stupid information," I said, blushing, "Kissing you will never be boring."

He didn't say anything to that, instead he just gave a small smile.

"Itachi, when do you think we'll get there?" I asked.

"Probably tomorrow, it's hard to tell," he shrugged, glancing at me and turning a slight shade of pink.

"What?" I questioned, "DO I have something on my face?"

"No, I'm just wondering if you're cold again."

That was odd. It was the middle of the afternoon, why would he ask- oh… he wants to hold me… wow, I never thought that he would turn out a pervert.

"Now that you mention it, I _am_ a little chilly, "I said, grinning, "It _is_ sort of cold out."

"Oh really, because I'm a little cold too," Itachi nodded, "You know… bodyheat is the best way o keep warm."

"Oh really?" I grinned at him. He gave another one of those small smiles. That's a record, he's smiling more today then I'm pretty sure he's done in his whole life.

"Yes, now let's take care of that cold problem." Itachi enveloped me in a warm, protective hug and whispered, "Better?"

I nodded, hugging him back, "Yes, you are very warm." We let go of each other and began to walk again.

After awhile, some misty clouds of fog started to roll in.

"We are getting close to the Mist Village. It's going to get even foggier from here on out, so stay close to me… I don't want to lose you," he mumbled the last part.

I took his hand in mine, "Don't worry, if we get lost, then we get lost together."

"I guess I don't have to worry anymore then."

"Nope."

As we kept on walking the fog started to get extremely dense. I let go of Itachi's hand and ran through the fog crazily with both hands up. It left an outline in the fog. That wasn't the only weird thing though, because even though I jumped forward I… ended up behind Itachi? WTF man!

"Izumi, where are you?" Itachi called out. There was a hint of panic in his voice that I'd never thought I'd ever hear.

"I don't know, I can't see a damn thing!" I yelled from behind him.

"That's because you have your hands covering your eyes."

"Oh," I took my hands away and saw Itachi looming over me, "H-hey, Itachi." I said nervously.

He looked up and shook his head, "Why did I ever begin to love a fool?"

"Because, I _complete _you," I answered, giggling, "Wait… hey, I'm not a fool! …Oh who am I kidding? I am one! NOOOOOO! I'm so disappointed in myself!"

"Izumi, I was kidding," Itachi said.

"Oh, I knew that."

We started to walk through the dense fog again, "Gah, I hat fog! If it was a person I'd kill it! Hell, I'd kill a lot of things if they were people, such as Orochimaru and Sasuke," I said thoughtfully.

"Izumi, Sasuke _is _a person… though as for Orochimaru it's hard to tell," Itachi said.

"I know Sasuke is a person, but he's a perfect example!" I ran ahead happily, only to hit something this time, "Ow! Is this a wall? No, it's a tree, I think…"

"I am _not _a tree! I am a Mist ninja, and I assume you are the Akatsuki," a voice said.

"You fool, what kind of ninja would tell someone that they are their enemy," Itachi said.

"Yeah, what's up with that," I added.

A blond girl stepped into my vision range. She seemed about my age, maybe a couple years older. She glared at Itachi and me, "I am not a fool."

I smirked, "Well we didn't expect you to admit it."

She crossed her arms, "Screw you."

"Hey, I just realized that you haven't even tried to kill us yet! That's a first!" I said in wonder.

"That's because I _want_ you to kill _me_," The girl said, "My name is Kieko. I'm the Jinchuuriki that you're looking for."

"Why do you want to die? Life is good right, Itachi?" I asked, smiling.

"I guess so," he said, ruffling my hair. Kieko stared at us.

"Are… you two… together?" she scrunched up her face confused.

"No," I said as Itachi said, "Yes."

"I was kidding, of course we are together," I grinned, "Now back to you, why do you want to die?"

"Because… I hate my life. I've heard that's it's normal for people to hate Jinchuurikis, but even then I can't stand it. That's why I want to die," she explained. Her depressed tone was… well, depressing.

"That's sad," I muttered.

"Exactly, so kill me, like, now!" Kieko begged.

"Sorry, but we have to take you back to our hideout to extract your demon," Itachi said.

"Well then take me now, I won't fight back!" Keiko pleaded.

"Okay," I sighed, "maybe on the way back I can persuade you to live," I told her hopefully, "You can even be my friend! And, when we get back, you can be my friend Hana's friend too!"

"Fine… I guess I could let you persuade me a little," Kieko said, crossing her arms.

"Yes!" I cheered, "Okay, let's take our time heading back!"

Itachi nodded, "Kieko, I'm sorry if we end up killing you. I'd like to know you, if Izumi becomes your friend."

Kieko looked at Itachi, "U-uh… sure."

"Come on, Kie-chan!" I hooked my arm through hers, "Let's go!"

"Izumi, no running ahead," Itachi reminded me, but I already was, dragging a bemused Kieko with me.

**Okay, there's the chapter. Yes, I know it was sort of weird, anyway, I do not own Naruto.**


	17. Chapter 17

_Okay, here is Chapter 17! Mwahahaha! Sorry I put it off for a couple days, I've been helping Yuki write Hocus Pocus no Jutsu. Anyway, for all of you out there who don't know yet, I have changed my name from Amaya to Yori. If that confuses you, then too bad. Anyway, I might update tomorrow, but I probably won't. I will Monday though, that's a guarantee! Anyway, now on to the chapter!_

_**Chapter 17**_

…..(Hana's POV)

After we had gotten done with our business at the restaurant we took off. Tobi/Madara said that we had to get back and tell Pein ASAP.

"I know!" I said after he told me that, "So let's get on with it and move!"

"You're being extremely bossy," Tobi pointed out.

"Sorry, it was a very stressful fight," I sighed. I kind of felt sorry for him since he had to be with me when I'm in this mood.

"Do you need another massage?" he tempted. Man, why did he have to be so damn tempting? Stupid Madara, trying to make me want to kiss him!

I went pink, "U-um… maybe… but we have to get back to the base first."

"When we get there I promise I'll give you a massage," he told me. After that I knew I had gone an even darker shade of red then I ever thought I could go.

"Okay," I muttered, "Thank you."

"Oh, you don't need to thank me. It's more of a privilege for me than you." Tobi grabbed my shoulders, "I can start a little now, if you want?"

I gulped, trying to resist, "As much as I'd like that, I wouldn't want to leave, and Pein would get mad if we don't get back soon."

He took off his mask as if trying to tempt me more. He smirked, "Are you sure?"

"You know, you're really good at tempting young women, Madara," I said using his other name, "Have you had… practice?"

"Maybe… but I'm pretty sure this kind of thing runs in the family, seeing how we all look good," he shrugged. Well he's modest, pfft, good looking, so what if it's true.

"That's probably true. Hey, I've been meaning to ask, but… how old are you?"

"Uh… um… I can't remember… it's been too long," he gave a nervous laugh.

"What kind of answer is that?" I demanded.

"Hana, don't freak out, but I'm really old," Madara said.

"Like, older than my parents kind of old?"

"No, like older than your great-grandparents kind of old," he replied. Holy crap… this relationship is so weird now.

"…What?" I blinked, "Where's all of your wrinkles then?"

"Oh… I…um, bye a very expensive skin cream to take care of it."

"You're lying."

"I don't want to explain all of this now, Hana," he sighed, "Wait until we get back. Maybe I'll explain it all while I give you that massage."

"Then I won't listen because I'll be too distracted!" I protested.

"Exactly," he smirked.

"You set me up, didn't you?" I accused.

"Yes!" he replied cheerfully in his Tobi voice, "Now let Tobi-kun tell you Madara-sama's past!"

"Okay, Tobi-kun!" I cheered, playing along.

"Well, Madara-sama is very old. He was around the time of the first Hokage. He basically started the Uchiha Clan. Madara-sama has a super secret jutsu, but you'll find out about that later," Tobi told me. That was about the worst explanation of someone's past I have ever heard.

"Um… okay, cool," I nodded, "Well, now that that's out of the way, let's go."

We started to walk at a faster pace, talking occasionally as the sky went from a light blue to a deep royal purple. By the time the sun had set, we had stopped for camp underneath a few tall trees.

"Isn't it pretty, Hana-chan?" Tobi asked, "The sunset?"

"Yes, it is. It's… romantic," I whispered.

"Tobi thinks so too," he agreed, coming closer, "It makes Tobi want to kiss you."

"Oh really?"

"Tobi wants to, and so does Madara," he said, leaning in. (He wasn't wearing his mask at the time) He was kissing me before I could say another word, which was alright since he was a good kisser. When we finally broke away he smiled at me, "Tobi says that Madara planned this."

"Then Madara is a very good planner," I whispered, "and Tobi is a good boy."

That made Tobi hug me, "Yeay, Tobi loves Hana-chan when she calls him a good boy!"

"Does Tobi and Madara just plain love Hana-chan?" I asked silkily.

"Yes, we do," Madara answered me.

I smiled, "Hana-chan loves you both too."

**Wow, that was so short compared to the last one… I'm so sorry! Anyway, like always I do not own Naruto! Reviews are appreciated people! And, if you hadn't already, go read Hocus Pocus no Jutsu. It's awesome!**


	18. Chapter 18

**Okay guys, here's chapter 18. If there's some grammatical mistakes then don't get mad. I'm in a bit of a hurry! Sorry! Anyway, thank you everyone for the reviews! BTW this chapter is probably going to be shorter because when we wrote it on paper, Yuki wrote a lot of it and her handwriting is very big.**

_**Chapter 18**_

…..(Izumi's POV)

"Keiko-chan, do you feel awkward sharing a camping space with a guy?" I asked trying to get her to talk some more and maybe enjoy life. She nodded.

"Well to bad!" I shouted, "Because it's going to get worse!" I glanced at Itachi, "A _lot_ worse… I'm already cold."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Keiko asked.

"Izumi, at least wait until we actually go to bed before you pretend to be cold. We don't want to scare Keiko more than we have to," Itachi said.

"True," I nodded.

"What the hell are you guys talking about?" Keiko looked back and forth between Itachi and I with a confused look on her face.

"I get "cold" easily… so Itachi helps take care of that," I explained, "Translation: he hugs me while I sleep."

"Oh really? Aw, that's so cute!" Keiko smiled. Wow… I wasn't expecting that reaction.

"I like you!" I said happily, "You don't freak out easily!"

"Hey Izumi… do you think we should go to sleep now?" Itachi asked, changing the subject. His face was a little red.

"Wow, that was a _long_ wait. Wasn't it you who told me less than a minute ago to wait?" I asked with my eyebrow raised.

"I couldn't help it, I'm cold too," he shrugged. I rolled my eyes and grinned at him.

"I couldn't either," I smiled and hugged him. He kissed the top of my head… yeah, compared to the shortest member of the Akatsuki I'm even shorter.

"Wow, you guys are really short," Keiko stated, "Especially Itachi, he's short for being a guy." Keiko walked over to us. She was a little taller than Itachi.

"Sorry Itachi, but she's right," I giggled.

"Izumi, you're even shorter than he is," Keiko pointed out.

"Don't remind me!" I sobbed mockingly.

"You are," Itachi said, smiling, "but I like it."

"You just like it because it makes you feel tall," I told him.

"That's most of it," he agreed. His voice went into a whisper, "The rest is because I think it's kind of sexy."

"Damn straight I'm sexy!" I yelled, "In fact, I'm _damn sexy_!" I said jokingly.

"U-uh, this is getting kind of awkward," Keiko said, taking a few steps back.

"Sorry Keiko, we'll tone it down until you go to sleep," I assured her.

"That doesn't help _at all_."

"Well sorry, I was kidding! There's no way that I'm sexy!" I said hoping that it might help the situation.

"Right," Keiko nodded.

"I don't think you were kidding," Itachi spoke up with a small smirk, "but I think you're sexy."

Oh my gosh, I feel so happy right now! He's so nice! I'm glad that he's with me. Man, and to think that I used to hate that guy. My mind remembered our first day of the mission when I sat on him. Yep, good times.

Keiko put up a hand, "Okay seriously, wait, I really do not want to watch a love scene unless it's in a movie or a book."

"Itachi, why did you say that! I was trying to make this situation less awkward!" I hissed, "You didn't need to tell me your opinion, because I already knew!"

"Sorry," he muttered. Aw, now I'm afraid that I hurt his feelings. Crap!

"You two lovebird just go to bed already," Keiko said, lying down on her sleeping bag. She gave a yawn, "I'm going to bed."

"Yeah, let's go to bed too, Itachi," I agreed, nodding eagerly.

"We probably should."

We crawled down onto our blanket, and he wrapped his arms around me protectively.

"I love you, Izumi," he whispered.

"I love you too," I whispered back. I turned my head to face him, and we kissed. That night, I fell asleep with a happy feeling.

**Okay, that was even shorter than I thought it would be. I'M SO SORRY! THE NEXT ONE WILL BE LONGER, I PROMISE! Anyway, I do not own Naruto. Sorry again for this being so short, but please review, it'll make me feel better. ^-^**


	19. Chapter 19

_Okay… yeah, haven't updated in what seems like awhile, but oh well. Anyway, here's the 19__th__ Chapter. I hope it's longer than the last one. Please read, enjoy, and most of all REVIEW!_

_**Chapter 19**_

…..( Hana's POV)

"Home sweet home!" I grinned as we entered the headquarters. Hidan and the blond chick/dude were in the living room.

"What the f*** took you guys so long?" Hidan yelled as Tobi and I walked in.

"Uh… we got lost?" I shrugged.

"It's been awesome without Tobi, un," Blondie smirked.

"Yes it f***** was," Hidan agreed.

"Ugh," I rolled my eyes and grabbed Tobi's arm, "Come on, Tobi." I led him into the room that I shared with Izumi. She still wasn't back yet, which made me a little worried and depressed.

"Wow, Itachi and Izumi aren't back yet," Tobi… or I guess Madara said.

"Yeah, I know. I hope nothing happened to Izumi," I told him. I didn't really care what happened to Itachi… he was kind of mean.

"So Hana, do you want your massage now?" Madara asked smoothly.

"Yeah!" I blushed when the word eagerly came out of my mouth, "U-um… I mean, yes please."

"Oh, you're really anxious then? You have to admit it," he chuckled, "my massages are amazing."

"Oh shut up," I punched him in the arm playfully.

"Close your eyes and relax," Madara commanded gently, placing his hands on my shoulders. He moved me to the bed and began rubbing my back.

After a couple minutes he whispered, "How do you feel?"

"Sparkly," I replied a little dazed.

"Sparkly?"

"Yes, sparkly," I nodded.

"That's the most intelligent answer you can give that question?" Madara said in disbelief, "Sparkly?"

"Yes!" I giggled, "Sorry, that just popped out."

"That's fine," He nodded starting again. This time I let out a content sigh with pleasure.

"Oh my god… seriously, where'd you learn to do this?" I asked.

"I don't know, Uchihas are usually good at everything. It's a proven fact," he shrugged.

"Hmm… everything you say?" I asked, smirking.

"Yes…_ everything_."

"So… you're good at being an idiot?"

"Hana, you see how Tobi acts, you should know the answer," he sighed.

"Eh, yeah, I guess," I grinned, "Now get back to the massage!"

Madara began yet again, and I felt like I was in heaven, and since I was with him I sort of was. To my disappointment, however, the moment was short lived, because the door opened and revealed _Miss_ Deidara. He told us that lunch was ready. I didn't want this to end, but my stomach growled loudly.

"You're hungry," Madara stated, stopping the massage.

"Yeah, I guess a little," I shrugged, hoping he would just keep going.

"Well, we can't have that," he shook his head, "My Hana needs to keep her strength up to fight Sasuke."

"Oh crap, we haven't told Pein about Sasuke yet!" I realized, jumping up, "We have to tell him after lunch!"

"Okay, we'll continue this later," Madara promised, "So don't look so pissed."

"I look pissed? Sorry, it's not toward you. It's toward Sasuke," I explained, my muscles tightening with anger, "That kid needs to learn a lesson!"

We were both silent for a moment as I calmed down. Madara spoke up after a few seconds, "Let's go eat."

We made our way to the kitchen. Everyone was eating quietly. I quickly ate, not really tasting my food. A few members were staring at Tobi to see if they could get a glimpse of his face. Once I had finished eating I sat up straight in my chair and addressed Pein, "Pein, Tobi and I must report our mission to you now… in private."

Pein nodded, "I'm finished here. Meet me in my office."

Tobi and I followed Pein into his office and waited for him to sit at his desk. Konan stood by his side.

I spoke first, "Your informant said that Sasuke was planning to kill Orochimaru soon. Hell, it could have happened already. That means that he'll come here for Itachi."

"That's not my problem, it's Itachi's," Pein stated without emotion.

His statement pissed me off. It was so cruel and uncaring, I mean, sure Itachi was mean and deserved some pain, but this was just wrong. It was if Pein was a child and Itachi was a toy that Pein had just gotten tired of using. It made me mad.

I glared at him.

"You two can leave," Pein told us.

As soon as we were back in my room I went on a full angry rant, "What an asshole! Who the f*** let him be the leader! I would be a better leader than he is!" I yelled, "I swear, Pein deserves to be raped and die horribly! I hope Konan rapes him! Wait… Konan is a nice person… ok then, I hope Deidara rapes him! I mean, it would work because he's pretty much a girl!"

Madara's eyes were wide, but when he saw that I was done ranting he chuckled, "That would be funny."

"Why are you laughing? I'm serious! Hell, I'll go pay Deidara to do it right now!" I stomped out the door taking some money with me.

**Well… it was a little longer than the last chapter, I guess. Oh well, anyway… um, I do not own Naruto. Also, since I'm starting cross country now the updating process of this story will be somewhat slower (if that's even possible.)**

**Anyway, thank you all for the reviews!**


	20. Author Notes and Apologies

Well, this is Yuki. I'm sorry to say, but Oh Crap may never be updated again. You see, Yori has quit Fanfiction, and threw away the notebook where Oh Crap was written in. She doesn't want anyone to know about her love for anime so she threw it away. I CAN attempt to continue it, and maybe make it better than it was originally. But I'm not sure. It's up to you guys. Sorry for taking so long to get this out. If you do want me to attempt to continue this, I'll need your support. Thanks, and again I'm very sorry.

~Yuki


	21. Chapter 21

_**Well, here I go. My attempt at finishing this fanfic. I will probably be changing the name sometime, but I'm not sure yet. Also, I will try to make good-ass chapters. Bear with me. As much as I want to ruin Izumi and Itachi's relationship as some-what revenge on Yori, I'm not that type of person, and I will not take my anger out on an innocent character that only exists here on Fanfiction. Please enjoy, I tried my best! Also you may want to go re-read what happened since it's been awhile since the last update, to refresh your memory of this story. I know I had too… -_-+**_

**~*~ Izumi's POV ~*~**

When I awoke the next morning, it was to an odd scene; Keiko chasing Itachi around with a burning stick and screaming profanities at the top of her lungs.

"DAMN YOU, YOU DIRTY PERVERT! GET BACK HERE SO I CAN SHOVE THIS UP YOUR ASS AND WATCH YOU SQUIRM!" The deranged girl screamed, waving the stick around like a sword.

"What are you talking about, you crazy b****?" Itachi demanded, easily dodging Keiko's wild thrusting of the stick.

"You know damn well what I'm talking about!" Keiko growled, panting with exhaustion. I guess this chase had been going on for awhile. "You looked under Izumi's shirt while she was sleeping!"  
I about died of laughter at Itachi's surprised face, then immediately sobered and got up, putting a restraining arm on Keiko's shoulder.

"Keiko, it's okay. You were probably mistaken. Itachi's not that type of person. At least, I don't think he is," I slid a sideways glance at Itachi, who was looking flustered. "Just forget about it, okay?"  
Keiko looked at Itachi and stuck her tongue out, but nodded anyway. "Fine. But only for your sake, Izumi-san."

"Good!" I giggled and then walked to Itachi's side, standing on my tip toes so I could place a kiss on his nose. "So, Itachi, is Keiko right? Did you really look under my shirt? I'm sure you didn't, 'cause I'm a light sleeper."

Itachi's eyes narrowed slightly and he muttered something incoherent. I leaned into him, tilting my head up. "What was that? I didn't hear you."

"Maybe I did." Itachi muttered, a light blush spreading across his cheeks.

I rose an eyebrow. "Oh, really? …you pervert." Light heartedly I hit him over the head, grinning. "Are you a closet perv, Itachi?"

He didn't answer, and I just laughed. I was feeling happier than ever. Maybe it was because of my newfound feelings for Itachi. Maybe it was because Keiko reminded me of Hana, and I missed her. Or maybe it was just because I was far away from Orochimaru, and I knew he couldn't hurt me all the way out here. Whatever it was, I was grateful for the reason.

"Are we ready to go?" Itachi asked, shaking me out of my thoughts. I nodded. "Keiko, what about you?" Itachi looked over at the Jinchuriiki girl. She was slowly packing up her stuff, yawing.

"Oh, yeah. I'm ready. Sure." She waved a lackadaisical hand at us. "Can we get there, like, really fast? I want an actual bed soon."

"We will, don't worry. We're almost there." I nodded. She gave me a thumbs up, and we began to make our way back to the Akatsuki base. After about, oh I don't know, three hours of walking in almost undisturbed silence, I finally blurted out, "Keiko, what kind of demon do you have inside of you? I wanna know!"

Keiko gulped and looked down. "Um…well, don't laugh at me…but…"  
"TELL ME!" I begged, acting like Hana. If she saw me know, she'd have a fit.

"I will! God! Okay, I have a three tailed squirrel sealed inside of me. There, you happy? Don't laugh," Keiko added when she saw the rising smirk on Itachi's face.

"Keiko, Itachi can't laugh. I, on the other hand, can laugh for both of us." I said, and then proceeded to die of maniacal laughter, pointing at Keiko and yelled, "OH MY GAWD, A FREAKING SQUIRREL FOR A DEMON? A SQUIRREL? THAT'S SO FUNNY! AND AWESOEM! WAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Shut up, Izumi!" Keiko yelled, holding her hands in a fist and blushing a beet red. She looked adorable and completely moe. (Moe means cute basically. Look it up. Lucky Star sure likes to use the phrase alot…) "I told you not to laugh and you abused my trust!"

"I'm sorry, Keiko!" I patted her back in a friendly apologetic manner. "Hey, can you show us the demon? Or will you go berserk?"

"Actually, me and Mr. Squirrely have a good relationship. I can unseal him at my will. That's why the village wanted me dead, and cast me out into the cold, unforgiving wilderness, because they were afraid I'd whip him out and use him to kill many people. But I can bring him out to meet you guys!" Keiko patted her stomach and lifted up her shirt. There was a sealing pattern inscribed in black ink on her skin, and when she pressed her hand to it, the black color changed a bright white, and Keiko's whole body began to glow. White chakra appeared around her, forming three tails on her backside. She was smiling contentedly, and her eyes were closed. With all the light around her, she looked like a benevolent angel.

Suddenly the light abruptly stopped shining, and standing next to Keiko was a large, tiger-sized pure white squirrel with three fluffy tails. I felt my heart melt, and I launched myself at the fluffy demon, screaming, "KA-WAI-I~!"

Keiko laughed. "Meet Risu-kun, the utterly terrifying squirrel demon! He'll kill you with his amazing fluffiness! RAWR!"

"It is quite…cute." Itachi agreed haltingly when I gave him a look that said, "SAY SOMETHING YOU COLD IDIOT!" "But Izumi is much cuter."  
"Aw, thanks Itachi," I grinned. "You too." I looked up at the squirrel demon, and he grinned back at me. He had…scary looking fangs…but other than that, Risu was an adorable thing that I just wanted to cuddle for hours and hours, baking cookies and singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" until my voice gave out.

"Well, now that we have that out of our system, what say you that we continue walking?" Itachi asked gruffly. Aw, he was jealous because I was paying more attention to a demon! SO CUTE!

"Sure!" Keiko nodded and pressed her hand onto Risu's white fur. He glowed and disappeared, leaving Keiko looking tired. "Sorry, this exhausts me," She apologized, wobbling where she stood. I let her lean on my shoulder before she fell. "I just need to rest."

After she was well rested, Keiko proclaimed we could be on our way again. Finally, after walking for about another two hours, we made it to the base. Itachi stood in front of the rock that hid the opening to the base and did some hand signs. The rock made a large scraping noise as it slowly rolled away, leaving a gap for the three of us to enter. Once we got inside, the rock rolled back into place with a thud.

I was finally back home. Well, the closest thing to a home I have at least.

And I was glad to be back.

_**Well, that was…utterly crappy and way too cheesy in my opinion. But, then again, I'm always a critic on my own work. Sorry it was short. Wait, actually it's long, because since the original story was written in a notebook, all the chapters are shorter in written form than in typed form. So, you can be guaranteed that most chapters will be at least 1,000 words or more from now on. If anybody has suggestions on how the story should go from now on, don't hesitate to tell me.**_

_**~Yuki**_


	22. Chapter 22

_**Yay I'm back! Now for…A Hana chapter! I love Hana! She's based off of me! (So that means I'm madly in love with Tobi and Madara. :3) Again, you may wanna go back to read what happened to Hana the last couple of chapters. Because once again, I had to. HANA AND TOBI ARE THE PERFECT COUPLE PEOPLES~! NOW READ THE CHAPTER!**_

**~*~ Hana's POV ~*~**

Stomping along down the hallway, I threw open the door to Deidara's room and yelled, "DEIDARA! I will pay you ten million yen if you rape Pein for me!"

Deidara, who had been innocently molding a clay statue. Looked up at my outburst and said, "…what?"

"He's pissing me off. So I want you to rape him. I have money," I waved a wad of money in his face, "And I will never mock your gender again if you do it."

Deidara glared at me and put his hands on his hips. "No freaking way, un! I refuse to take part in anything like that! Pay Kakuzu to do it, he'll do anything with enough cash, un."

"B-but…" I gained a wounded puppy look, and bowed before him on the floor, pleading with large chibi glistening eyes. "You're my last hope, Deidara! Please? Pretty please? Pretty please with some exploding clay on top?"

"No." Deidara answered smugly, obviously enjoying the pitying position I was in. "Now if you would excuse me, I'm going to finish this work of art, un."

"It's not art if you're just gonna blow it up later," I said dryly. "Then it's just…blown up crap. Art is…art is…well, I'm not an artist, so I guess my opinion won't matter to one as gifted as you. But I believe art is what we make to feel happy, to show that even though the world is ugly, we humans can try to make it seem beautiful. But that doesn't work if you just blow it up in the end. Or make…puppets," I added quickly, watching Deidara's anger escalade, and then soften when I mentioned the puppets.

"That's a very complicated view on something as simple as art, Hana." Deidara said, tilting his head to think. "I guess you have a point, but art will always be fleeting in its beauty to me, un. Like this. KATSU!" At his yell, Deidara put his hands together in that hand sign he always did when he was about to blow something up, and the clay statue exploded. It had been small and obviously not a powerful bomb, but the effects of the explosion were still enough to knock me on my feet and bang my head on the floor as I fell.

"Ow…" I moaned, cradling my throbbing head. The smoke clear and I saw Deidara, unphased by the explosion, laughing his sorry little butt off.

"Hana0chan!" Tobi ran in, his voice strained with worry. "Hana-chan, are you all right?" I could tell he was barely controlling the Madara side of himself, he was so worried about me.

"Yeah," I managed to stagger and get up, leaning on Tobi for support. "Just a little dazed is all."

"What happened?" Tobi demanded, staring at Deidara. "Did Deidara-senpai try to hurt you?"

"No," I shook my head, not really wanting Deidara to experience the wrath of Madara even though I kind of had a dislike for him. "He and I were discussing art and he…accidently made a bomb go off. I provoked him. Sorry, Tobi. I didn't mean to make you worry." I adopted the attitude of a chibi little girl, clinging to Tobi's sleeve and looking up into his orange mask with adoring eyes. "You'll forgive me, right Tobi?"

He was obviously confused, but he nodded. "Of course Tobi will. Tobi could never be mad at Hana-chan!"

We began to walk out of Deidara's room, and I turned around to mouth "That's the only time!" to Deidara. In turn, he mouthed, "Thank you." I nodded in recognition, and once I got in the hallway I heaved a large sigh and said, "Deidara won't rape Pein for me."

Tobi -well, I guess it was Madara now- burst into laughter, holding his side and chuckling heartily. "Hana, you have no idea how hysterical that sounded! Your disappointed tone of voice…the discouraged look on your face…it just made the moment better!"

"Glad I amuse you so," I said dryly.

Madara stopped his laughing and pated me on the head. "Oh, come one. It was funny. Besides," He adopted Tobi's manner of speaking and brightly said, "Hana-chan is a good girl, right?"

'Yes. Yes I am." I declared boldly. "Okay, I'm going to go ask Kakuzu to rape Pein. Wanna come?"

"AS much as I want to, I think I'll pass." Madara held his arms up in surrender. "I don't want to be in the same room for THAT awkward conversation."

"Oh, so you'll t leave me to defend myself all on my own?" I asked saucily. "That's not like a loving boyfriend to do."

"Hey, if anything bad happens, you can use your special ability, right?" Madara was referring to the ability I had revealed while on our mission, the fact that I could control people's thoughts and emotions with my chakra.

"Oh yeah…" I thought for a bit, then nodded. "I guess I could do that. Wow, I had a stupid moment."

"That's what I love my Hana. Because she's adorable, a bit ditzy, but everything I need to turn me good." Madara said. I felt a blush heat up my face. Despite our connection that we had established on the mission, the way he flirted with me still made me feel embarrassed. But it was a good type of emabarassment; it made me love Madara even more. And plus, it was proof that he was beginning to be a good guy. That was all I needed to feel accomplished. To know the simple fact that I was turning one of the most hardened criminals of the ninja world into a lovable hunk of sexiness.

"Thanks, Madara," I gushed, linking my arm with his. Will you at least walk me to the den of the beast?" I joked about it, making this whole ordeal seem like I was a hero in a fairytale about to slay a terrifying dragon.

"You don't need to ask." Madara murmured into my ear. He suddenly picked me up and ran through the hallway to Kakuzu's room, with me giggling and smiling in his arms he whole way. He lightly set me down at the door to Kakuzu's room, saying, "You're destination, my lady. Anything else I could offer?"

I pondered the question, then answering in what I felt like royalty talked, I said, "Nothing else, good sir. You may return to my chambers now. Have a warm bath with rose petals waiting for me, if you wouldn't mind. I'm joking, Madara!" I added when I realized he actually believed me.

"You were? Well, I have news for you," Madara rushed to my side and whispered seductively into my ear, "Your wish is my command, my lady Hana. Roses will match your undefiled beauty." With that, my knight in shining armor disappeared in a cloud of ninja smoke. I sighed, feeling my heartbeat go crazy. I began to turn the doorknob of Kakuzu's door, but I thought the better of it and backed away.

"Now that he's actually going to do it, all I want is that bath," I muttered to myself, ashamed of all the dirty images that were beginning to filter into my head. "Bad, Hana, bad!" I scolded myself, lighting smacking my cheeks. "Well, you might as well retire to your room. That mission as exhausting and the only real rest you've had was when Madara gave you that massage…which kept getting interrupted!" I shook my head. "Might as well get a move on, girl." I began to walk back to my room, and when I opened the door, I was greeted by a sight that gave me a nosebleed big enough to dry out my insides:

Madara wearing nothing but a towel wrapped sensuously around his chiseled body, lying in a seductive pose on my bed with a single rose in his mouth. The mask was askew on a pillow.

"Oh dear Lord…" I whispered, crossing myself. "That was NOT expected…"

"What is it, Hana? This too much for you?" Madara asked suggestively. "Technically, you came up with the whole idea."

"N-not THIS!"

He smirked, getting up and walking over to me. "Come now. I have the bath all ready for you." He said into my ear. I was blushing furiously.

"We're not gonna…d-do it, are we?" I asked slowly.

"If you're not ready, no. But I would at least like to make you relaxed," Madara said.

I sighed. "Okay, I can handle that."

He smiled, and we went into the bathroom. Sure enough, the large bathtub was filled with warm water, red and pink rose petals decorating the waters and making a nice fragrant smell. I breathed in deeply and sighed with content. "This is nice…"

"Just wait until you're actually in the water," Madara said.

"Okay!" I grinned, stripped down to my bra and underwear, and hopped in the tub. As the warm water enveloped me like a comforting cloud and flower petals drifted past my head, Madara deadpanned, "Well. I wasn't expecting that."

I laughed at his disappointment. "You never said anything about me keeping my clothes on, Mada-kun!"

He smiled, and leaned over to kiss my lips quickly and softly. "I guess I didn't."

_**YAY! ROMANCE! Okay, next chappie Hana and Izumi shall finally reunite again! Just wait patiently for it. Sorry for shortness, I've been busy. T_T Now I'm going to watch Ghost Hunters! Ja ne, everyone! Oh, BTW just a passing thought….this scene would make the best doujinshi scene EVER in my opinion! *hint, hint, wink, wink, nudge, nudge***_


	23. Chapter 23

_**New chappies are always nice, ne? ^_^ Well, Izumi and Hana will finally reunite in this chapter! Yay for that! XD …other than that, I got absolutely nothing for this chapter. I'll just go with the flow. ONWARDS WITH THE STORY~!**_

As soon as we had arrived back at the base, I had dragged Keiko into my room and let her have my bed. Then I -utterly exhausted- had promptly fallen asleep on the hard wood floor of the room, not even bothering to change my clothes. I was tired. You couldn't blame me. When I woke up the next morning, the clock on my bedside told me it was ten in the morning. Keiko was still an asleep heap in my bed, her light snores making me grin. I yawned and slowly made my way up, using the edge of the bed for support. Cracking my back, I grimaced in pain. "Ow. I'm all sore from sleeping on the floor. Note to self; only do that if Itachi is around to use as a pillow." Tiptoeing to my closet, I grabbed a set of clothes and stumbled into the bathroom, shutting the door and turning on the light. The sudden brightness startled me for a moment, but my eyes adjusted and I peel my clothes of, stepping into the shower gratefully. The warm water soothed my aching muscles, and I watched in horror as dirty black water swirled down the drain. "Oh good lord, was I that filthy? I vote someone invents portable showers for missions," I muttered to myself, scrubbing my hair until my scalp throbbed. Feeling clean and bubbly, I turned the shower off and got out, drying, myself off and putting on my clothes. They were a simple black t-shirt and black silky shorts. I tugged on my ninja sandals and my Akatsuki cloak over that. I crept out of the bathroom, careful to turn the lights off. Keiko was now sprawled out on my bed, each limb at a different corner of the mattress. Her eyes rolled in REM sleep. I frowned and murmured quietly, "Keiko sleeps like a dead woman!" Prodding her cheek with my finger, I leaned over and whispered in her ear loudly, "KEIKO! Are you awake?"

"AH!" Keiko's eyes snapped open and she snorted indignantly. "I am now!"

"Good. I suggest you get cleaned up. Pein will probably want to see you." I explained.

"What? He will?" Keiko's voice squeaked. She began to grab at the sheets on the bed, biting her lip and looking worried. "He wants me killed, doesn't he?"

"Probably," I shrugged. When Keiko's face fell, I grinned and patted her on the head. "Don't worry; Itachi and I will protect you. I've realized that not everyone in this world deserves to die, like I used to think so. I still hate Orochimaru though," I added the last bit under my breath so Keiko couldn't hear. "When you get done with your shower, you can use some of my clothes. I don't mind."

"Thank you for everything, Izumi-chan!" Keiko suddenly hugged me tightly, cutting off my circulation of air. "You've been so kind to me. How can I ever repay you?"

"By letting go of me so I can breathe!" I wheezed out. "Getting dizzy…from lack…of air!"

"Sorry!" She let me go. "Seriously: How can I ever repay you, Izumi?"

"Well…I dunno…" I thought for a bit. "I'll get back to you on that. For now, you just get cleaned up." Keiko nodded and she got into the shower. About ten minutes later, she was all clean and sparkly. …okay, maybe I'm kidding on the "sparkly" comment. I handed Keiko a bright red tank top and some black pants that flared out at the bottom. "These don't fit anymore. You can keep them." I explained. She took them gratefully. With that done, we opened the door to find Itachi leaning against the doorway in a seemingly seductive pose, with smoldering eyes. When he saw that Keiko was behind me, he quickly straightened up. Obviously he had just wanted to surprise me.

"Izumi…Keiko," Itachi nodded to each of us. "I figured you'd be up, so I came by. Are you two ready to go to Pein?"

"No," Keiko deadpanned. "I'm terrified right now. Can't I just hide in Izumi's room?"

"No, you can't. Someone would have to bring food for you a lot." Itachi's face softened. "You'll be fine, Keiko-san. If anything happens, I guarantee that Izumi will fight for you. And I, in turn, will do anything to protect her." He put an arm around my shoulder, pulling me into his chest. He smelled good, like the outdoors on a crisp fall night. I breathed him in deeply, sighing with content. "Come on, you two. Let's get this over with." I said, stepping away from Itachi's embrace and leading the way to Pein's office. When we entered, Pein looked up from his paperwork, a smirk gracing his pierced face. "Well, look who finally decided to show up," He mused.

"Forgive us for neglecting to show up first thing when we got back last night, Pein-sama," Itachi bowed in apology. "We were simply too tired. I trust no problems arised while Izumi and I were on our mission?"

"Everything has been fine. And I assume that girl behind you is the Jinchuriiki of the Mists?" Pein asked, pointing at Keiko. Keiko gulped but stepped forward bravely, a hard and stony look on her face. "You're correct. But you're not going to kill me; I've decided to become a part of the Akatsuki. My only wish is that I be a medic ninja. I don't want to kill anybody."

Itachi and I looked at each other in surprise. We certainly hadn't expected Keiko to say that. "Go, Keiko, go!" I cheered in a whisper so quiet even I couldn't hear myself. Keiko stood her ground as Pein looked down at her, a sneer on his lips. "A Jinchuriiki wants to be part of the Akatsuki? That's a new one. We already have some medical ninjas, anyway. Kakuzu, Sasori, and Konan fit well in that category. Albeit, they aren't majoring in the medical arts, but they're enough."

"Well, I'm a certified medic ninja! I promise to work very hard!" Keiko insisted. "Please, let me join the Akatsuki!"

Pein closed his eyes, deep in thought. Finally, after what seemed to be forever, he opened them again and spoke. "All right. You can join our organization. As a medic ninja, you have to be willing to do anything to keep our members alive. I hope you understand that?" He made the last sentence a question, mocking Keiko it seemed.

The Jinchuriiki girl frowned, but then nodded slowly. "I understand. I will do whatever it takes."

"Good!" Pein clapped his hands together, and Konan entered his office. "Konan, please get suitable Akatsuki attire for our new member. Also, ask Kisame to come in here please. I need to speak with him." Konan nodded and silently glided out of the room, returning a few moments later with a box not unlike the one Hana and I had acquired when we had first joined the Akatsuki. Kisame was right behind her, grinning that toothy grin of his. Konan placed the box in Keiko's hands and left. Kisame turned to Pein and said, "You wanted to see me?"

"Yes. This is Keiko. She has just joined the Akatsuki, and I've decided to have you two partner up. Keiko excels in medical ninjutsu, so I think you and her are a perfect combination, since you tend to rush into fights and get bruised easily." Pein explained to Kisame.

The blue man frowned. "I don't get hurt easily."

"You will now." Pein smirked at Kisame's bewildered expression. "I have a feeling you will. That is all; you may leave now. All of you. I have important business to attend to." Pein waved us out.

"Have I ever mentioned I think blue is sexy?" Keiko muttered to me as we walked out of Pein's office. Her eyes slid to Kisame, and I saw that she was blushing.

"No, you haven't."

"Well, I do." She grinned dreamily, licking her lips. "Heh…" I did NOT want to know what she was thinking as she leered at Kisame with that creepy little smirk on her face.

Suddenly I was barreled over by a purple flying streak, screaming, "IIIIIZUUUUUMIIIIIII~~~~!" I was knocked down on my butt, Hana clinging to my waist like a little child, anime tears flowing freely from chibi eyes. "I MISSED YOU!" Hana sobbed, hiccupping. "DID YOU MISS ME?"

I patted her on the head and nodded. "Yes, yes I did. How are you, Hana?"

"I'm fine!" She hopped up, letting go of me. She noticed Keiko and asked, "Hey, who's that?"

"My name is Keiko. I'm thinking you're Hana, right?" Keiko stuck her hand out, and Hana shook it. "Izumi and Itachi saved my life. I'm a part of the Akatsuki now. Nice to meet you!" She grinned at Hana, who in turn glomped her with the same gusto she had to me. "YAY! New friend! I LOVE PEOPLE TODAY!" Hana screamed hyperly. Keiko winced from her volume.

I sighed and crossed my arms. "Hana, did you have sugar for breakfast?"

"…maybe…"

"And what have I said about having sugary substances first thing in the morning?"

"…to not to."

"Are you going to do it again?"

"Heck yes!" Hana pumped a fist in the air. "I'm a rebel! WOOT!"

I rolled my eyes and grinned. "I have missed that about you. Surprised?" Hana's eyes widened and she nodded. "Yeah! Yu normally get annoyed with me."

"Well, let's just say your bubbliness is enjoyable." I explained hastily, not wanting her to know that I ha had a slight Hana-moment while on my mission. "Now who wants ice cream?"

"I do!" Hana and Keiko yelled in hyper unison, the mere mention of the word making them excited. I turned to Itachi and Kisame, who had just watched the whole exchange silently. "We're going to go get ice cream. Cover for us. TO THE ICE CREAM MOBILE!" I yelled, running off with Hana and Keiko behind me. Grinning, I nodded happily and whispered to myself, "Nothing can ruin my life now. Not even Orochimaru."

"…and if he tries, I will kill the bastard in the most horrific and painful way possible."

_**Hah! This is turning out to be quite fun to make up new things for the story! And yes, there will be a little bit of KeikoXKisame now. Deal with it! It'll be a cute couple! I liked this chapter. It was short and fun to write. Review please~!**_

_**~Yuki**_


	24. Chapter 24

_**Sorry for late updates! I've been busy. And sadly, I'm going to get much busier, because our health teacher is going to drop a big homework bomb on us before the semester ends. -_-+ But I'll try my best with updates! Now for a Hana chapter! (I love these!)**_

**~*~ Hana's POV ~*~**

So, at the ice cream mobile…okay, it wasn't really an ice cream mobile, we just snuck in the basement of the Akatsuki base hoarding a lot of ice cream containers. Even Izumi went for it, which surprised me. But, whatever! As long as I got people to be hyper with me, I'm good! Maybe that's why I'm so in love with Tobi and try to lighten up Madara…

"Dude, I never knew we had an ice cream stash," Izumi said through a mouthful of mint chocolate chip. "WHY DIDN'T I KNOW ABOUT THIS?" She shook me by my neck and I dropped my spoon.

"I'M SORRY! I JUST FOUND OUT ABOUT THIS!" I sobbed.

"Which is weird, considering Izumi was the one to suggest getting ice cream in the first place…" Keiko butted in thoughtfully.

"Yeah! YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN ABOUT IT THEN!" I agreed loudly. I pushed Izumi away and curled up with my ice cream. "Now leave me alone please! Me and Ice Cream-san have some urgent business to attend to…with me eating him!" With that, I began to scarf it down with zeal, stopping only when I got down to the bottom and holding my head in pain. "AH! Brain freeeeeeeze! It huuuuuurts!"

"Oh Hana…" Izumi shook her head.

"Shut up!"

Keiko grinned and laughed. "Hah! I like you, Hana. You make me laugh."

I smiled and spread my arms wide. "I'm here so other's can laugh at my pain. Enjoy it while it lasts."

"And that will be a very long time, while I'm here!" Izumi smiled without mirth, and I glared at her. I hoped she was kidding but knowing her, she was probably serious. "Oh by the way, Hana…I'm sensing feelings of hopeless love emanating from your soul. Do tell." She elbowed me in the chest and I went red.

"Oh, um…well…me and Tobi are a thing now." I muttered, looking down and squealing, "And I'm so in love with him!"

"Awwwww, so cute!" Izumi grinned and hugged me. "Don't worry; Itachi and I are a couple now. So you're not alone. And I think Keiko is gonna have Kisame on a platter smothered in soy sauce soon." Keiko immediately got a darkened face and she said threateningly, "That had better not been a sushi reference."

"Ehehehehe…" Izumi rubbed the back of her head. "Maybe."

"You're stupid." Keiko muttered.

"Hey! I got an idea!" I jumped up despite the ice cream headache. "We should play hide and seek!"

"….why? That's such a childish game." Izumi said, instantly resorting back to her usual cold and humorless demeanor.

"Because. I want to be a child right now. Besides, if I get Tobi to join, it's like foreplay to us!" I instantly clamped my hand over my mouth, not believing what I had just accidently said. "OH CRAP! Um…I was kidding! It's not foreplay! HAHAHAHAHA!" I gave loud forced laughter, clutching my side as if in pain from the laughing. "It was a funny joke!"

"Hana, just go into a corner, okay?" Izumi said. "Go into a corner and think about your choices. Go now." She shooed me off.

I sniffed and crawled into a corner, mock-crying with anime tears streaming from my chibi eyes. "You're such a meany, Izumi-chan!" I adopted a little girl tone and sniffled out, "I hate you!"

"Yeah, yeah…" Izumi waved a hand at me, then looked to Keiko. "Hey, Keiko, let's go stalk Kisame. I'm in the mood to be a super spy ninja. Hana, wanna come? It could be great bonding time for us three as the three female musketeers."

"Nah. I think I'll stay here awhile. I need a nap anyway, and this is a good place where no one will find me." I said, yawning to prove my point. "See ya! Have fun! Practice safe sex!"

I narrowly avoided being hit by a kunai that was haphazardly thrown at my head, which I guess was Izumi's way of saying, "Good night, you crazy psychotic bitch."

I smiled and soon settled into a dream-filled sleep.

Hana Goes Dream-Mode!

"_Lalalalala…lalalala…pretty flowers for a pretty flower like me…" I sang as I skipped through a field of roses. "Lalalala!"_

_The air smelled good. The sky was purple. My hair was purple. I was hungry. And the flowers were talking to me._

"_Hey, there's that girl! Hana. She got kidnapped by that snake Orochimaru. She's probably some sort of monster now." A flower to the right of me cackled in laughter. "Good thing she's not in the Grass Village anymore!" Hey, that's not nice! Take that back you mean flower! I ripped out the flower and shook it. It just laughed harder until it shriveled up and turned to dust in my hands, blowing away in a sudden heavy gust of wind. My hair whipped around me, a purple tornado that stung at my cheeks._

"_She's a monster…"_

"_She doesn't deserve to live."_

"_We should take care of her. Nobody should be allowed to come back from Orochimaru's and live. Who knows what she had done to her."_

"_We'd be doing the world a favor if we got rid of her, right?"_

_Voices swirled around me as the wind blew around me, harder and more violent. Flower petals started to rise out of the air and into the wind, grazing by my face and leaving small, thin cuts that sting and oozed blood slowly. I crouched down into a fetal position as the voices laughed and made fun of me, the flowers all seeming to lean in and suffocate me. "Stop it!" I cried out, covering my hands over my ears. "Stop it! I'm perfectly fine! I'm normal!"_

"_No you're not. You can control emotions with your chakra. That shouldn't be classified as 'normal'. You were modified while in Orochimaru's hands." The voices say, all chiming in together. "You're a freak…a freak that deserves to be taken care of…" More petals slice at my face, only becoming more sharp and intense. The pain is not just stinging; it BURNS. Flames are burning everywhere…Flames that etch into my skin and mark it. I lifted my arm up and stare at it in horror; scarred on the skin is the Sharingan eye. It blinked at me, and my mind swirled in fear. "Leave me alone!" I sobbed, letting tears drip onto my arms where the eye is. "Just leave me alone!"_

"_Hana!" I looked up, and everything stopped. The flames stilled, the flowers stopped laughing at me. The wind was no longer whipping sharp little petals in my face. All was calm. And HE was standing right there, with a hand out stretched towards me. "Hana…It's okay. I'm right here. Don't listen to them; you're not a freak. You're as normal as you can be. And I love you, no matter what." Madara crouched down and held my trembling body in his strong arms. He leaned in my ear and whispered, "Hana, I will always be here for you."_

_I smiled and nuzzled his chest, no longer afraid. "Madara…I love you." _

"_I love you too." Madara's arms tightened around me. "Hana…" Suddenly his voice and demeanor instantly changed to that of Tobi's, and he said, "Hana-chan! You're drowning in ice cream! TOBI WILL SAVE YOU!"_

…_what?_

End Hana's Dream Mode!

I was woken up by Tobi frantically picking me up and throwing me to safety. At least, I presumed it was "safety". I peered into the corner where he was now slipping, and saw that all the uneaten ice cream buckets ahd tipped over and the contents inside had melted. The spot where I had been sleeping was now covered in a motley of colors, including bright orange while Tobi slipped and fell into the mess. "Tobi, what's…going on?" I asked sleepily, blinking sleep out of my eyes.

"Hana-chan must have knocked down the ice cream in her nap time, and so the ice cream melted and almost made Hana-chan drown!" Tobi flopped about in the ice cream sea, waving his arms wildly. "Now TOBI'S gonna drown in it!"

I laughed and grabbed one of his hands, pulling him away from the mess. He fell on top of me, pinning me down with his arms. Whether this was unintentional or on purpose, I had no idea. But I was pretty sure it was the second one. "Hana…" Tobi whispered, his voice deepening ass he took a gloved finger and stroked my cheek softly. "You look very vulnerable in this position." Again, it was hard to tell if Madara was just trying to scare me a bit with a freaky pervert routine or just trying to be loving, but I was thinking it was a little bit of both.

"Madara, not that I don't' appreciate your attempt at being seductive, but if you even try to take my virginity away right here and right now, I will castrate you with a dead chicken and some maple syrup. Don't ask, you know I will find a way." I dead panned.

"Ah…" Madara chuckled in embarrassment, and got off of me. "Excuse me for trying to be mysterious and swooning."

"Oh trust me, you don't have to try. You're already like that. When you TRY, you just get really creepy." I said, my mouth quirking into a smile. He quickly took his mask off and gave me a quick kiss on the mouth. "Well, the reason I came into the basement was to tell you that Pein already has another mission for us. It's for Deidara too."

"Oh, joy." I muttered, crossing my arms. "All right, let's go see orange-top then." We got back upstairs and into Pein's office, where Deidara, Kisame, Itachi, Keiko, and Izumi were already waiting. Pein nodded at me and Madara -Er, I guess Tobi now- and launched right into his mission debrief. "Tobi, Deidara, Keiko, Izumi, and Hana, I want you guys to investigate something. I've heard that Sasuke is sulking around somewhere. Find him, interrogate him about how he killed Orochimaru, and…and try to convince him to be a part of the Akatsuki." I noticed Itachi stiffened up when Pein said this, and Izumi looked over at him worriedly.

"And what about us, Pein-sama?" Itachi asked, his voice cold and steely.

"I simply want you two to go to the Rain Village and take care of some things for me. I want the group finding Sasuke to be large, and I don't trust you to be with that group, Itachi. Sorry."

"I understand perfectly." Itachi sighed, holding out his hand for the piece of paper that Pein held. "I assume that's the list of chores you have for us?"

"Yes." Pein handed it to him.

"If this is just a grocery list, I'm going to be very angry." Kisame said.

"It's not. It's more of a hit-list." Pein said.

"YES! KILLING IS SO AWESOME!" Kisame did a fist pump, and Itachi rolled his eyes.

"All right, un. Let's get some supplies and get going." Deidara said to the ones who'd be in his group. "Get moving, troops! Chop, chop, un!"

"Yes, sir!" I mock saluted him and snickered under my breath, "He said un."

Deidara glared at me, and I hid behind Tobi. "EEEP! EVIL HALF MAN-WOMAN HAS EYES OF…OF…FIIIIIIIRAAAAAAHHHHH!" I ran out of the room laughing evilly, yelling, "DEIDARA IS A MAN-WOMAN! …A MAN WHORE! THAT'S A BETTER WAY TO PUT IT!"

"HOW AM I A MAN WHORE, UN?" Deidara screeched, racing after me.

"…I DON'T KNOW~!"

"Hana, just go get your crap in order. Pronto." Izumi demanded, following behind Deidara.

"Yes, ma'am." I looked over her shoulder and saw Tobi waving at me happily. I smiled too, and did as I was told.

After all, Hana is a good girl!

_**I really don't think I should be watching the Fruits Basket Abridged series by AngelElric on YouTube while typing up chapters for Oh Crap…it clearly shows. 0_o Next chapter will be…semi-dramatic. You can probably guess why. (Hint: think of what happens during the Sasuke/Deidara fight…and then AFTER it.) And the next chapter will be more dramatic…then the next…? I think it'll be dramatic too. I enjoy drama. ^_^ **_

_**OH BTW THANKS SO MUCH FOR OVER 100 REVIEWS! I love you guys! Hey, let's shoot for 200 by the end of this story, okay? I know you can do it! NOW REVIEW! LOL**_


	25. Chapter 25

_**Yay, I have a special announcement! I have obtained the original notebook version of this story! So from now on, I'll probably make my own chapter but put small references from the original. Or just type up the original if I'm lazy. ^_^ Off to the story now~!**_

_**~*~ Izumi's POV ~*~**_

"Are we there yet?"

"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP ASKING ME, UN!"

"Sorry. I'm just bored."

"Then go…do something…PRODUCTIVE!"

I rubbed my head, trying to alleviate the pain from Keiko and Deidara's screaming. "Will you two just please shut up before I rip your insides out and burn them, then stuff them back inside your bodies?" I patiently said, making sure the aura surrounding me was charged with veiled anger.

Deidara and Keiko gulped, looked at each other, and were quiet.

We had been traveling to where we suspected Sasuke to turn out at for about two hours now, and the only thing I could really say was happening was that Keiko and Deidara fought. A lot. More than Deidara and Hana fight. Which is a lot. So, it's easy to see why I was so frustrated with the two of them and I just wanted to get this whole thing over with.

Hana and Tobi stayed a few feet behind the rest of us, whispering things to each other and holding hands. They really were sweet together. It made me happy that Hana had found someone to treat her well.

"Can I say something, oh mighty Izumi-sama?" Keiko raised a tentative hand.

I sighed. "Go ahead, Keiko."

"Deidara, I'm gonna sick my squirrel on you."

"THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!" Hana yelled from behind us, then erupted into loud laughter.

"Nice one, Hana!" Keiko gave her a thumbs up, and I rolled my eyes. I was surrounded by idiots.

"Okay Deidara, seriously, when are we going to get there?" I asked, yawning. "I'm getting bored. And I just want to fight Sasuke. Plus, I'm worried about Itachi."

"I don't know when we'll get there. It just depends on when Sasuke decides to come out, un." Deidara answered me, then swerved his head over to Hana and pointed a finger at her. "Don't say it, un!"

"Say what?" Hana asked innocently.

"You know what I mean…" Deidara narrowed his eyes at her. Tobi giggled, and he glared at him too. "Same with you, Tobi! Don't say it! If I know you two as well as I think I do, you'll make some obscene comment about Sasuke coming out!"

"Sasuke's coming out of the closet finally? About time!" I joked, elbowing Hana in the side. We broke out into raucous laughter, holding our sides as Deidara glared daggers at us. Wiping tears from my eyes, I giggled, "Hey, you never said anything about me making a comment!"

"I had hoped you had enough common sense about you, Izumi." Deidara muttered, turning around. "I'm not talking for the rest of the way, un."

"Good! Then we'll talk for you!" Keiko stuck her tongue out at him. Deidara made no comment, just continued walking with his held high and his back stiff from suppressed anger. Keiko leaned over and whispered to me, "He needs anger management, eh?"

"That he does, Keiko. That he does." I agreed, smirking. "He must be on his man period."

"OHHHHH! BUUUUURN!" Hana grinned, overhearing my remark. "Dei-chan just got OWNED!"

"Hahaha! Senpai got owned!" Tobi joined in, laughing at Deidara's back. "Poor Senpai!"

"SHUT. UP." Deidara growled. "Not a word out of any of you, un! NOW! Or else you'll eat clay, un!"

"Oooooh, I'm soooo scared." Hana taunted, poking Deidara's ponytail. "Miss Dei-Dei is gonna blow me up!" She waggled her finger in a taunting gesture, winking. "Someone help me, please!"

"That's it! You're dead, un!" Deidara grabbed Hana's hair and yanked her back, anger blazing in his eyes. Before I could react, Tobi had a kunai knife to the artist's throat and one hand and the arm that held Hana captive. His voice mysteriously dark and dangerous sounding, Tobi said slowly, "IF you harm Hana-chan, Tobi will find a way to harm YOU, Deidara-senpai."

Deidara's eyes widened and he gulped, "Th-that's not the Tobi I know…"

"There's a lot of things you don't know about Tobi, Deidara-senpai. A lot. Now let go of Hana-chan." Tobi patiently stated, holding the kunai more firmly to Deidara's neck. A thin line of blood was drawn from the blade, but Deidara took no notice. Instead, he grinned somewhat fearfully and let go of Hana's hair, saying "Tch! You always manage to surprise me, un." Tobi's hand retreated from Deidara's neck, and he touched Hana's face gingerly. "Is Hana-chan hurt?"

Hana shook her head. "N-no. I'm fine. Deidara." She turned to the blonde man. "I…sorry for teasing you. I guess I went too far." There was a silent look exchanged between her and Tobi, and I had the feeling there really was more to Tobi than anybody knew. Anybody except him and Hana. He was like Itachi, I realized. There was so much to him than the surface showed. You had to penetrate deep into it to find the truth.

"Well, that certainly was…a nice way to make this less boring." I mused. "Congratulations!"

Suddenly, there was a sound behind me like someone unsheathing a sword. Turning around, I came face to face with a sight I had learned to abhor very quickly; Sasuke smug ass-face smirking at me. At all of us. In his hands was the sword he always carried. "Where's Itachi, Izumi?" Sasuke asked, not even pausing to give introductions or anything like that. "I know you know where he is."

"Like I'd tell you!" I snarled.

"Sasuke…perfect! I'm all ready for a fight, un." Deidara cracked his knuckles. "Tobi! Get ready. We're using THAT technique."

"Th-that one? But…Fine!" Tobi squeaked. He turned to the three of us, saying, "Hana-chan, Izumi-san, Keiko-san, come with Tobi!"

"But I wanna kill Sasuke!" Hana whined. She tugged on Tobi's sleeve. "Pleeeeeeaaaase Tobi?"

"No." He said firmly. "Tobi has to make sure you three are safe. Now come on!" He led us into the forest as Sasuke and Deidara faced off. Evidently, all he wanted to do was spill blood, because it seemed as if he had completely forgotten about me and the fact that I might know where Itachi was. Deidara made a huge dragon out of clay, spouting out nonsense about the true beauty of his art as he stood on the head of it. Tobi left us to place land mines under the ground without Sasuke's knowledge of it. When he was gone, he popped out and said, "Senpai, everything is ready!"

"Perfect, un." Deidara sneered at Sasuke from his throne atop the clay dragon. "Sasuke Uchiha…prepare to become art!"

"Senpai, not yet! Wait till Tobi and the girls fins shelter!" Tobi yelped, running towards us. Grabbing all three of our arms, he tugged us farther into the forest, screaming, "OKAY SENPAI, YOU CAN BLOW IT UP NOW!"

Various explosions could be heard, and I looked over at Hana. "Hey, Hana? Do you think Deidara would get mad if we both just ran out in the middle of the fight and killed Sasuke?"

She grinned. "Yes. …should we do it?"

"I vote you two to do it." Keiko agreed.

"Well Tobi votes for you two to stay here!"

"Don't worry, Tobi. We'll be fine." Hana patted his head reassuringly. "Be back in a jiffy! And don't laugh because I just said 'jiffy'!" I nodded at her, and we ran into the fight. Hana, being her usual crazy self, threw her arms above her head and shrieked, "FREEDOM! NOW DEATH TO THE CHICKEN ASS BASTARD!"

"NO HANA! HE'S MY KILL! MY KILL, UN!" Deidara yelled angrily.

"Well too bad, learn to share! Sharing is caring after all!" I pointed out.

Sasuke glared at me, his eyes narrowing. "You two have remained utter fools, haven't you? I had thought that maybe being in the influence of the Akatsuki might…sober you up a bit. Apparently I was wrong." He shook his head, scoffing. "Fools."

"Don't you DARE act like your brother in my presence, Sauce Gay!" I yelled. "That just makes me sick!"

"Hana, Izumi! Go! Now, un!" Deidara barked. "Sasuke is MINE!"

"I always knew you were gay. Nice time to come out of the closet, Deidara, when we're in the middle of a fight for our lives." Hana cheerfully said, flipping him off when he glared at her.

"GO!" He screamed, digging into his pockets for clay. "Before I blow you up along with Sasuke, un!"

I could see he was serious, so I held my hands up in defeat and grabbed Hana. "All right, all right. We're going."

We ran back to our hiding space amongst the trees. Time passed. Deidara and Sasuke were still locked in a never relenting fight. I could tell that through both of their minds, a single thought was angrily racing;_ Why won't he just die already?_ Finally, Hana stuck her head out of the trees and yelled, "Deidara! I swear to God, if you don't f***ing kill Sasuke in five minutes, Izumi and I will do it for you!"

"Don't take that lightly, you know we will!" I joined in.

"They will!" Tobi and Keiko agreed.

Deidara looked over at us, an evil smirk spreading across his face. "Oh, you guys won't be around in five minutes, un." He laughed hysterically and ripped his shirt off, much to my disgust. On his chest was a…stitched up mouth? Like the ones on his hands? That's just…ew.

"EW! You could, like, chest-rape someone!" Keiko cried out, shielding her eyes. "IT BURNS!"

"That is so disturbing, I;m not even going to comment." I muttered.

"But you just did. You called it disturbing." Hana pointed out.

"It was a rhetorical statement, Hana."

Deidara ignored our cries of disgust, glaring down Sasuke like a cat would to a dog. He ripped the stitches out, wincing with pain. "You will all become…my greatest masterpiece, un! Prepare to be art!" With that, he shoved a huge chunk of clay in the mouth. It turned an odd black color, and I tugged on Hana and Keiko's arms. "Guys, we should run. Like, now."

"I agree. Let's go!" Hana turned to Tobi, who nodded. We began to run, and Deidara yelled, "Eat your heart out, Sasuke! You damned Uchiha! Because my art…" He paused as light flashed everywhere, bathing ervything in a horrid parody of what I thought heaven may look like. "My art…IS AN EXPLOSION, UN!"

And then Deidara, the idiotic suicidal bomber of the Akatsuki, exploded.

_**Okay, perhaps I lied about the drama for this chapter. But I was following mostly the original version, and that one was FUNNY AS HELL. For the record, I do love Deidara dearly. But for the purpose of this fanfic, I had to make him go bye-bye. Sorry. ;_;**_

_**Now the NEXT chapter shall be dramatic. And then the one after that. ^_^**_

_**Review please~!**_


	26. Chapter 26

_**I was sad because everyone else was so sad that I made Deidara blow up. So…I'M GONNA BRING HIM BACK! In a later chapter though. BTW for this chapter, you may want to refer back to first couple ones. Someone who hasn't shown up for 20 something chapters is coming back! Can you guess who? :D**_

**~*~ Hana's POV ~*~**

_Ugh…am I…unconscious? I guess I am…everything is dark…My whole body hurts. Why? It feels like I got hit by a truck. ..Wait, what's truck? OH MY GOD THAT'S RIGHT! Deidara went boom! Because he was being an egotistical ass-hole and wanted to prove his art was "Da bomb". …that was a very lame-ass joke. But since he blew up, he's probably dead. Wait…does that mean…is Keiko dead? Is Izumi dead? Is…is…_

_IS MADARA DEAD?_

"NO! NO! I'M TOO YOUNG FOR MY FIRST EVER BOYFRIEND TO DIE!" I yelled, opening my eyes widely and jumped ing right away. My head hit a low, hard ceiling, and I yelped. I fell back down on the ground, landing awkwardly on my butt. The air around me felt damp and chilly, and it was dark. I thought hard, and realized I must have been in a cave. But why?

And where were Izumi, Madara, and Keiko? They were okay, right? They couldn't be dead. If _I _was alive,then surely _they'd_ be able to survive Deidara's explosion.

"Hana! You're finally awake! I've been waiting for you to wake up." That voice…I haven't heard that voice in so long…since Izumi and I escaped from Orochimaru's!

"Juugo?" I whispered, my voice suddenly going hoarse. "Juugo, is that you?"

I was swept up in a crushing embrace, my face pressed into Juugo's chest so hard that I could barely breathe. "Hana, I thought you were dead!"

"I thought I was too," I muttered, shifting my body in a more comfortable position in Juugo's arms so that I could breathe properly. "Now, if you don't stop squishing me so hard that my lungs pop, I WILL be dead. You're kinda-sorta crushing me, Juugo. Not that I mind; I've missed your hugs. They always make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. Like a muffin. Yum…I want a muffin now." I pouted.

Juugo let go of me, blushing in embarrassment. "Sorry. I guess I got caught up in the moment. I've just missed you so much. And sorry, but I don't have any muffins on me."

"Damn." My shoulders sagged, but I grinned. Looking at his face, I could tell Juugo was doing better than ever. Being in Orochimaru's little hideout had always made him crazy. I guess now that he was dead, Juugo had finally had gotten the chance to get out into the real world. And being out in the real world, instead of being cooped up in his cell, had made Juugo…healthier. "Hey Juugo, where are we?"

"In a cave. I found you passed out in the woods after that big explosion. I brought you here so you'd be safe. What were you doing out there anyway?"

"I'm in the Akatsuki now. A group of us were sent on a mission to apprehend Sasuke. Deidara blew himself up in an attempt to kill Sasuke—and us, I think—and to show that his art was a 'bang.' Hey, Juugo? Were there…three others with me? A blonde girl, a man with an orange mask, and Izumi?" I asked hopefully. I was beginning to live on the verge of hysteria. I can only last SO LONG without knowing if the people I loved were possibly dead.

But Juugo shook his head. "No. I didn't see anyone. You were alone."

I gulped down the lump that had been slowly forming in my throat, only to have it replaced by an even bigger lump. "Oh my God…they're dead! They're freaking dead! Oh my God!" I gasped out a sob, wanting to just let everything out. "They're dead, and that means I'll be a virgin forever! OH MY GOD!"

"Hana, just calm down. I'm sure everything will be fine." Juugo soothed, stroking my hair in his large hands. The tears began to cascade down my cheeks.

"I can't be calm! My friends could be dead! And Sasuke is still alive—I just know it!" I put my face in my hands and sobbed, "Damn you, Deidara! You big asinine idiot! You blew yourself up for nothing—your art SUCKED! I'm still alive, aren't I? DAMN YOU, DEIDARA!"

"Hana…" Juugo whispered, tugging me closer to him. "It will be all right."

"How do you know? Are you psychic? Can you somehow magically sense that they're all okay?" I hysterically demanded, going into a total bitch mode. "Well, last time I checked, I was pretty damn sure you didn't have any special powers of those sorts!"

Suddenly Juugo grabbed my chin and pressed his mouth onto mine, burying me in a kiss that held a whole mess of emotions: anger, jealously, betrayal, forgiveness…Love. My eyes widened and I had no idea how to react. I just sat there, still as a statue, as Juugo kissed me. He broke away from the kiss, his lips still just centimeters away from my own. Looking deep into my eyes, Juugo murmured, "Hana…I love you."

My face still burning from the confusion and amazement of his impulsive action, I let out a small confused exclamation of "W-what?"

"Ever since you were brought to the hide out and dealt with me by using your chakra to manipulate my emotions, I've loved you." Juugo let out a small, bitter laugh. "I was such a fool for not telling you the day you left. Maybe then you would have stayed. I was a fool; a selfish fool who just wanted you. But you, on the other hand…you were a much bigger fool. For all the time we've spent together, you never realized the way I looked at you? The way I held you? The way I always wanted…wanted to just be with you? To me, your presence was a drug I could never get enough of. You were the sunshine I never got to see. Hana, you were my everything."

I just stared at Juugo with my mouth hanging open. His kiss still lingered and tingled slightly on my lips; Juugo actually didn't taste that bad. But…My heart was still owned by Madara. "You're joking, right? Please say you're joking Juugo."

"I'm not. Although I wish I was." Juugo answered me quietly.

"Juugo, I…I love you too. Just not in the way you want. You're a very important friend to me. The truth is, I'm seeing someone right now. The man I told yo about; the one in the orange mask. His name is Mada—Tobi. His name is Tobi. He's in the Akatsuki." And suddenly I was crying again. But not for me. This time I was crying for Juugo, and how much he must hurt right now.

Juugo was silent for a bit, and then pulled me into another one of his super hugs. "I understand, Hana."

"Do you, Juugo? Because I'm so sorry. I really…I make really big messes out of everything don't i?" I smiled sadly and hugged him back, not wanting to let go of his big, comforting presence. "And you still make me feel all fluffy inside. That's a feeling I'll never get from anyone else but you. You're my…my Fluff-man. …Although, that sounds very wrong, if you think about it."

"Yes, you do make big messes out of everything." Juugo's laughed sounded strained and forced. "And yes. That Fluff-man comment does sound wrong." He closed his eyes, thinking. Then he let me go and said, "Hana, if that man ever hurts you or anything, you know you can always come back to me, right?"

"Thanks, Juugo. For everything." I kissed him on the cheek. "I need to go now. I need to find them."

"Wait! Before you go, I should tell you something," Juugo said. "After Sasuke killed Orochimaru, he made a sort of group. It has me, Suigetsu, him, and a girl named Karin. Sasuke wants to kill his brother, so I don't think he would have let that explosion kill him. I'm supposed to meet the others in the Rain Village soon. I won't tell them about you, okay?"

"Thank you, so much Juugo!" I flung my arms around him.

"And another thing; Sasuke will probably want to kill you too. Stay away from him."

"I will. You don't have to tell me twice." I grimaced when I suddenly remembered something that had happened during the fight. "Crap on a cracker. I think I called Sasuke gay. …Welp, I'm defiantly doomed then."

"Yep. You pretty much are." Juugo agreed. "No one insults Sasuke's sexuality like that and gets away with it. He'll probably Chidori you to death."

We both laughed at that. It felt good to laugh after crying so much. When we were done laughing, I looked at Juugo and said quietly, "I really did miss you, Juugo. And I'm so, so sorry. I wish I could fix everything."

"I know, Hana. And I understand." Juugo replied sadly.

I sighed and layed my hand on his arm, sending soft, warm, happy-feeling chakra into him. "Be happy, Juugo. I'm still alive, right?"

"Hey, that's cheating. You can't use your special technique in this way." Juugo smiled.

"It's my chakra and my technique; I'm allowed to abuse it in anyway possible. That's what it's there for."

"Hey, Hana? What did you mean by that 'I'll still be a virgin' comment earlier when you said Tobi may be dead?" Juugo suddenly asked.

"Er…" I gulped and a drop of sweat rolled down the back of my head. "Nothing…I meant we haven't done anything yet! And I was sad about it!"

"…get your mind out of the gutter, and get your butt out there and search for your friends your pervert." Juugo pointed to the cave opening, rolling his eyes.

"I'm going, I'm going!" I giggled, running to the mouth of the cave. "See ya, Juugo. I'll find you again. And I promise I'll make this up to you someday."

"Hookers don't count; I'll have to pay for it."

"…Whose mind is in the gutter now?"

"Yours is still and it forever will be."

"Why must a situation as serious as this be plagued with comments such as these?" I asked.

"Because without slapstick, perverted comedy, most animes and mangas would suck." Juugo answered.

"…True that! All right then. I'm off. Bye, Juugo. I promise I'll be safe." I waved him off and began my search for Izumi, Madara, and Keiko, just praying that they were fine.

If they were even alive, that is.

_**AW! JuugoXHana! I've been waiting awhile for this chapter. :3 By the way, that comment about the anime/slapstick thing? It's true and you all know it. Don't try to deny it. Now review please! There's going to be more crying in the next chapter! AND THEN WE'LL FINALLY GET TO THE PLOT!**_


	27. Chapter 27

_**Happy early Thanksgiving to all the Americans who are reading this! This chapter will be crappy, because I gotta go to my grandma's tomorrow and I won't have enough time to type this up. Sorry about that! But…I did bring someone back who you all be happy about~!**_

**~*~ Izumi's POV ~*~**

I awoke to voices. Voices filled with anger. Voices filled with fear. Voices filled with worry.

"Madara, just calm down. I'm sure we will find her." Itachi was saying smoothly, as if trying to calm someone down. But who was this Madara person?

"I CAN'T calm down, dammit! She could be dead! She could be lost! Or worse, she could be DYING and lost!" That voice…it sounded like Tobi. Only more rougher, less childish. It sounded serious for once. But Tobi didn't sound like that…what was going on? Who were they talking about?

"I can't believe you guys lost her. How the hell do you possibly just lose someone like that? She was with you guys the WHOLE time!" Kisame said loudly.

"I don't know. I just don't know, okay? I thought my escape jutsu would work, I thought it would bring her with us. But evidently, I was too damn distracted by the huge freaking explosion around us, and messed it up!" The Tobi-like voice snapped. He sounded like on the verge of tears.

"When Tobi and i—I mean Madara and i…woke up…she just wasn't there. And Izumi has been passed out for a day now. This can't be good. I'm really worried." Keiko said quietly. "Maybe…do you think Sasuke somehow got to her, and took her away?"

I finally opened my eyes and muttered, "Guys…? What are you talking about? Who's Madara?"

Itachi, Kisame, Keiko, and Tobi all stared at. I could tell what was going through their minds; "Oh…s***."

"Izumi, I'm going to say this plainly: Hana has disappeared." My jaw dropped and I stared at Keiko in disbelief. "…what?"

"When Deidara blew himself up, I preformed an escape jutsu of massive proportions to teleport us all away from it. But…when I did…I don't know if Hana…" Tobi trailed off, clenching his fists and suddenly punching the wall next to him in anger. "DAMMIT! Damn it all…Hana…"

I swallowed, preparing to speak, and then pointed an accusing finger at Tobi. "Who are you and what have you done with Tobi?"

"I AM Tobi. Well, Tobi's me. My name is actually Madara Uchiha." Tobi explained, still staring at the wall. "I am one of the first Uchihas to have perfected the Sharingan."

"But then…you'd be…really old." I squeaked, looking at Itachi. "Itachi! Is he lying?"

Itachi shook his head. "I'm afraid not, Izumi. Madara speaks the truth. I'll explain everything later, all right? Right now, we have to focus on finding Hana. She may be out there, or she may be dead. We don't know. I'm sorry, Izumi."

"Hana…she can't be gone…" I shook my head in defiance. "She's my stupid, clumsy, idiotic klutz of a ninja friend. But she'll be fine! She always is! She's like rubber! She always…bounces back!" I wiped away tears that were leaking from my eyes. Slipping out if the bed that I was in—I realized that we were all in some sort of hotel room—I slowly walked over to Tobi, stared at him, and then punched him clear in the face. He flew backwards, crashing into a table, but he just stayed there. "Tobi, Madara…I don't care who the hell you are. You're on my list for losing Hana. You're an idiot. You should have protected her. Why didn't you protect her?"

"Because. I was worried, okay?" Madara slowly answered after a bit. "I got careless, and let go of Hana. I'm sure my escape jutsu impacted her also, but she just got separated. If she were dead, I would feel it."

"…we're going." I said, turning around to face everyone else. "We're going to find Hana. Now!" Then I finally realized what this meant. I looked at Itachi, and hugged him tightly. "Oh…Itachi…Sasuke? Is he still alive? I know it must hurt, it you…" I trailed off, not knowing how else to say any of this.

"Izumi, I know Sasuke survived. Like Madara would tell if Hana was dead, I can tell if my little brother is still breathing." Itachi answered me, but he hugged me back nonetheless. "Thank you for being concerned, even though you're the one who should be freaking out right now."

"We're going now, though." I said firmly, stepping away from Itachi. "Let's go find Hana. If I know her she's probably out there crying her eyes out and wondering where we are." I smiled lightly, imagining the scene if it were true.

"Where are we going to start searching for Hana?" Itachi asked.

"I'm not sure. Just around wherever we are right now, I guess. Where are we, anyway?"

"The Rain Village." Keiko answered for me. "We brought you here after Deidara's explosion."

"Oh."

"Itachi and I finished our mission, and then Madara and Keiko came running by us with you unconscious…it was a pretty stressful moment for Itachi here. I thought he was gonna kill somebody the moment he saw you all pale and not waking up," Kisame smirked.

"Shut the hell up, Kisame," Itachi muttered, turning a bright red.

A few hours later, we were all walking through the forest outside the Rain Village. Except for Kisame and Keiko, because that had decided to go their own separate way to find Hana. Pfft. I bet they had just wanted to find a place to make out or something with the way they had kept looking at each other. It was raining (wow, such a shocker) and it was making me feel all happy inside, because of my ability to morph into water. "I should turn into a puddle to find Hana," I mused to myself. "That may freak the hell out of her." Laughing, I suddenly heard rustling from a few bushes next to me. Grabbing a kunai out, I stood my ground and said, "Who's there?"

"I-izumi-chan? IZUMI! IS THAT YOU?"

"…Hana?" I sweatdropped when Hana's head pooped out of the bushes. "…why are you in a bush?"

"…I'm stuck while trying to take care of something," She answered, looking down and going pink. "Don't ask how, but I'm stuck. Get me out, please~!"

"You're acting way too bubbly for someone who we all thought was gone," I said, slicing the bush apart to let her be free. "Why are you—oh my god. That is not…that's so wrong." I now knew why Hana was looking so happy. A bloodied and unconscious Deidara was at Hana's feet. "Hana, why is Deidara here, and why does it look like you…killed him? I thought he blew up!"

"I did too!" Hana said, dragging Deidara out of the bushes. "But I found him, and…I kinda…beat him up. He didn't stand a chance."

"Let me guess…you just cheated and used your emotion jutsu to make him want to hurt himself, right?" I asked.

The look on Hana's face said it all.

"Well, at least you used your brain. HEY! ITACHI! MADARA! I FOUND HANA!" I yelled. "But she got stuck in a bush, so she's a dimwitted fool. HAHAHAHA!" Hana glared at me and flipped me off. "I was attempting to kill Deidara, okay?"

Madara and Itachi came from behind us. Well, Madara ran like hell. He practically flew by and tackled Hana down with joy, reverting to his Tobi side. "Hana-chan! Hana-cha, Tobi is sorry! Tobi messed up with his escape jutsu, so Hana-chan got lost. Tobi's a bad boy…Tobi is so sorry!"

"It's all right, Tobi. I'm okay." Hana said, hugging him tightly. "Tobi can never be a bad boy…unless Hana-chan makes him one." She grinned perversely, and I swear I could see Madara blushing even through his mask. Then he noticed Deidara. "Hana…why is Deidara alive?" He asked slowly. Hana gulped and said, "Um…I don't know…I kinda beat the crap out of him before he could explain what was going on. Ehehehe…"

"That's good enough for me. I'm very angry at him right now."

"Oh, hey! You found Hana!" Keiko exclaimed, coming up from behind us. Kisame was at her side.

"You guys didn't even try to look for her, did you?" Itachi asked.

"Nope! Because we knew you'd find her." Keiko answered.

"Plus, we were lazy. We just followed you." Kisame added.

"Scratch what I said about Hana," I glared, narrowing my eyes at the two of them. "Kisame and Keiko are the dimwitted fools. Hana's just an idiot."

"HEY!"

"Well, it's true, and you know it."

"…shut up."

"Hana, don't worry, Kisame is an idiot also. And a dimwitted fool." Itachi said. I guess he was still mad about that comment Kisame made to him earlier.

"HE IS NOT!" Keiko yelled. "He's amazing and gorgeous and sexy and blue and I just wanna…OH F***! THAT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE OUT LOUD!"

"…Keiko, you're an idiot too." I muttered, rolling my eyes as she blushed and Kisame whistled in that way people do when they are embarrassed.

"Hey! Can we go somewhere now? I need a shower, a nap, and I wanna torture Deidara when he wakes up," Hana said, shaking Deidara's body. "Plus…Tobi-kun and I need to…play some hide and seek." She grinned at Tobi, who said in his Madara voice, "Or, we could both TORTURE Deidara."

Hah. Madara was embarrassed that Hana was advancing on him like this in public. I guess that jutsu screwed up Hana's brain a bit more.

"Or we could do that too. I'm kinda of crazed from lack of sleep." Hana agreed. She tugged on my arm and whispered, "Hey…Juugo saved me. He said Sasuke is still at large, and that we should try to steer away from him. But Juugo's free!" She smiled.

"I'm glad, Hana." I nodded and patted her head. "Come on. Let's go get you cleaned up."

"Do I get food?"

"Of course."

"OH HELLZ YES!"

_**I am now officially scarred for life. Please, for the love of God, do NOT go onto YouTube and watch the "Oiroke no Jutsu naruto Characters" vide while trying to type fanfictions; you will die. Well, sorry for shittyness, but…I was busy. ;_; review please! Next chapter will be better!**_


	28. Chapter 28

_**A bit of a late update, but…I've been busy. Be prepared for a short-ish chapter, because I don't have much for this one. Sorry. But hey! At least the end is coming soon, so that means the next chapters will be awesome!**_

**~*~ Hana's POV ~*~**

So. Deidara. He was back. And I found Madara and Izumi and all of them. And I had kissed Juugo. My past couple of days had been pretty wired, I guess you could say. Oh, right. Deidara. I should probably get back to the subject of him, since this whole thing was kind of confusing. Basically to sum it up, this is what happened: after we had gotten back to the Rain Village with the unconscious Deidara (That I had caused! Go me and my ninja skills!) and let him rest, he woke up and freaked out, screaming that he was supposed to be dead and that his explosion didn't kill Sasuke (or us) like he had planned, and he was pissed about that. Then, he yelled at me for knocking him out before he had had time to explain to me why he was still alive. After Madara had threatened to gut him with a spork, Deidara had wised up and told us why he was still alive. After he went boom, Deidara woke up to see some glowing ball of light that told him his time wasn't yet to come, or some freaky crap like that. So he had wandered around until he ran into me, tried to explain to me that's what happened, and got the crap beat out of him. By himself, since I used my chakra-emotion technique to make him think he was his own enemy. It was actually pretty damn funny, and I had wished Izumi could have seen it. Deidara had left us, proclaiming that he was "done with this Akatsuki crap, un" and turning to what he had always wanted to do:

Art sculpting as a career.

Needless to say, after going from a criminal to some hopeless artist in the blink of an eye, you must have had one helluva traumatic experience for it to turn out that way.

….then again, Deidara DID just die and come back to life. I guess that's what did it.

"Can we have dango? I'm hungry." I whined, walking with my arms crossed behind my head. "And I haven't had dango in FOREVER."

"Dango?" Itachi's ears perked at the word. "Yes. We should go get dango."

"Dango is Itachi's weakness. That, and Izumi." Kisame joked with a shark smirk. Keiko sighed and stared at him lovingly. And creepily. And drooled. Ew.

"Shut up, Kisame." Itachi growled. Izumi smiled and hugged him. "Aw! I think it's sweet! Yeah, let; go get dango."

"YAY! DANGO~!" I sang, running around in excited circles. "Hana loves dango!"

"And Madara loves it when Hana talks in third person," Madara said, slipping an arm around my waist. "It's hot."

"Hey, refrain from public displays of affection before lunch. It makes my stomach roil." Izumi said with a disgusted look. But she laughed, and then said, "Ah, go ahead. I'd do the same." As if to prove her point, she stood on her tip-toes and planted a quick kiss on Itachi's lips. "See?"

"…I want that." Keiko sadly murmured.

"Me too." Kisame agreed.

The two looked at each other, then at us, then back to each other. Kisame grabbed Keiko's hand, spun her around, and then ran away with her practically dragging behind him, yelling over his shoulder at us, "We'll be back! Maybe! BYE!"

I shuddered and said, "That's cute and all, but…isn't it kinda creepy to think about how that would work out?"

Izumi nodded. "Yeah. But I'm happy they decided to finally go through with it, and become a couple. At least, that's what I HOPE they're doing…"

All four of us present shuddered at the thought of what possibilities other than hooking up Kisame and Keiko could be doing.

Then I spotted a dango shop where I could smell the deliciousness just wafting in mist from its broilers. Running towards it with a kunai, I screamed, "FOR DANGO~!" Izumi was right behind me, also armed with a kunai, screaming "DON'T YOU MEAN, 'FOR NARNIA'?"

"…WHAT'S NARNIA?"

"I DON'T KNOW!"

"OH, OKAY THEN!"

Itachi and Madara, instead of acting as if they didn't know the two crazy screaming girls that had just run into a dango shop with kunais and yelling about made-up lands, simply sat down and ordered a plate of dango. Which Itachi supersized. Because dango is evidently his drug.

Sadly, before we could realize it as we greedily gulped down gobs of dango (Say that five times fast!) there was only one dango left. It sat there, orange and sticky and sweet and everything the world is. Itachi and Madara stared at it, and Izumi and I could just see the gears working in their heads. Finally, Madara made a grab for the dango, but Itachi intercepted with a hand smack and snatched the treat up and shoved it in his mouth, ripping each ball of and then delicately putting the empty stick back on the plate to gloat.

"And Itachi gains ten hundred points!" izumi cheered, holding up a random sign that said, "GO ITACHI!" In smaller print, it said, "He's my boyfriend!" and had hearts drawn all over it.

"Izumi, where'd you get that?" I asked.

"I made it with my mind."

"…all right then."

Before we could say anything more, Kisame and Keiko came running up all flushed and worried looking. Without missing a beat, Keiko yelled, "SASUKE'S HERE!"

"WHAT?" Izumi yelped.

Itachi and Madara looked at each other, and Itachi asked, "Are you sure, Keiko?"

She nodded. "Uh-huh! We saw him. He's looking for you."

"We made sure he didn't see us. We ran like hell to find you after we saw him." Kisame added. "Itachi…is it time, now? Is it time for you and Sasuke…for the last battle?"

Itachi quietly nodded. "…yes."

"No! You can't go! You'll die!" Izumi frantically yelled. "I can't let that happen!"

Itachi smiled sort of sadly. "What? Are you doubting my abilities?"

"N-no, I just…I just…" She sniffed, and Itachi kissed her gently. "Don't worry. I'll be fine, Izumi. I have to tell Sasuke the truth of the Uchihas. And besides, if things go wrong, I have yo guys to back me up."

"Itachi, would you like it if I came with you?" Madara asked.

"For the fight, no. I want to tell him this myself. But afterwards…you and him are going to need to have a long talk, since most of this was your fault." Itachi said.

"All right. I understand." Madara nodded.

"Wait…how is it your fault?" I asked.

Madara looked away. "…I kind of made Itachi kill the clan. Long story short, it was so he could obtain the Sharingan, become an Akatsuki member, and I could control the world. Itachi was going to take Sasuke's eyes, because the Sharingan was making him go blind. But now neither of us will do any of that; we have chosen the right path. Forgive us for telling you guys sooner. We just couldn't bring ourselves to do it."

"Oh…that's…" I was at a loss for words. "That's…kinda horrible. I sure as hell hope you guys are good all the way though now."

"We are." Madara assured me. "Now let's go."

And so, we took the first steps towards the final battle between the remaining Uchihas.

And let me tell you, I had a feeling it was NOT gonna be pretty.

_**YAY! That was better than I expected! Next chapter will be mind-blowingly awesome. I promise! The next chapter will also skip between Izumi's and Hana's point of views. You'll see why. So please review, and wait patiently for the awesomeness to start! In the mean time, read fanfics! Do your homework! Be good girls and boys! And eat pie! X3**_


	29. Chapter 29

_**Sorry for late updates…I've been raped by school. 0_o Remember, this chapter will have Izumi and Hana's alternating POVs. You'll see why.**_

**~*~ Izumi's POV ~*~**

We walked slowly down the street of the Rain Village, the rain just making everything worse. I held onto Itachi's hand really hard, squeezing it every minute or so. I was worried for him; I had no idea how he'd handle fighting Sasuke, or telling Sasuke the truth behind the whole Uchiha massacre thing. Madara and Hana followed behind us quietly. Keiko and Kisame were behind them. The mood was dark. The mood was scary. The mood was—

"OH MY GOD! THERE'S A BUNNY!" Hana suddenly screamed.

I slowly turned around at her and glared daggers into her chest. Hana gulped and backed away, whimpering, "Sorry….i was trying to lighten the mood…"

"Well, situations like these don't call for 'lightening the mood'. Times like these call for calm attitudes and bad-ass slow motion walking." I answered. "Like this." With that, I slowly walked like we were in a slow-mo movie and said in a deep voice, "Nooooooooooooo…"

Hana's eyes twitched, and she yelled, "YOU'RE DOING THE SAME THING AS I WAS, YOU ASS!"

"I know I am."

Itachi chuckled and layed an arm around my shoulder. "Izumi, thanks for trying to cheer me…no, 'us' up. It helps."

I smirked and stuck my tongue out at Hana. "Beat that, bee-otch!"

She flipped me off, saying, "You're an ASS."

"You've already said that."

"…oh. I guess I did. Carry on then!"

After a few more minutes of walking, we made it to the edge of the village. A few feet away was an old abandoned building that Madara identified as an old Uchiha hide-out. Itachi looked down at me and kissed my lips quickly, then straightened up. "Here. It's in there where Sasuke and I will fight the final battle. If I don't come out in an hour…" He trailed off, and I couldn't resist latching onto his arm like a child. "You WILL come out in an hour. Quicker than that, even. You know why? Because I'm coming in there with you, and you can say shit about it!"

"But, Izmui—"

"No! Shut up! I am coming with you, and that's final!" I yelled. I turned to Hana, Madara, Keiko, and Kisame. "You guys agree with me, right?"

Hana nodded. "Hell yeah! Itachi, you need Izumi. She can badmouth Sasuke, and she's your true love and all that, right? You need her for this. Just let her go."

"Itachi." Madara stared at Itachi firmly. Well, I think it was firmly, I couldn't really tell because of the mask. "You and Izumi need to do this. Together. If you need help, we'll come for you guys. Don't argue; we're going to do it anyway. Got it?"

Itachi was silent for a few seconds, then sighed and grinned a bit. "You guys are right. I can't do everything by myself. Izumi," He grabbed my hand. "Let's get going. And don't do anything that can be classified as stupid and/or Hana-like."

"HEY! That was uncalled for! …Even though it's true. IZUMI, DON'T PULL A ME! BE SMART, DAMN YOU!" Hana yelled, shaking her hand at me. "Or I'll beat you with my fist!"

"Hana, we've sparred before, and I totally kicked your ass."

"Or I'll beat you with Madara's fist!"

"…Itachi, let's go. I think I'm catching stupid." I tugged on his arm, and we walked into the building ignoring Hana's angered protests. I gulped as I peered into the darkness, looking around. "Is Sasuke here, Itachi?" As if an answer, I heard air being sliced in front of me as a kunai was thrust in my direction. I leapt to the side, and I knew Itachi had done the same. Jumping up, I yelled, "SASUKE! YOU ASS! Are you TRYING to decapitate me?"

Sasuke slowly walked into view, his sword unsheathed slightly at his side. Looking at me, I saw that he had his Sharingan activated. "Izumi…it's been a while. I'm glad you survived that explosion." He said to me. Then he focused his attention on Itachi. "Itachi Uchiha…"

"Hello, Sasuke. I'm glad to see you're doing well." Itachi nodded at him.

"Don't play games with me!" Sasuke snarled. "You know as well as I do that today is the day one of us dies. And sorry to say, but that one…will be you." With that, Sasuke stepped forward menacingly. "Itachi Uchiha, I swear, I will avenge the death of my clan by killing you today! Prepare yourself, you bastard!"

"Before you guys do anything rash," I stepped between Itachi and Sasuke. "Itachi has something to say to you, Sasuke. Something you've needed to know for a really long time, but he's just now getting the courage to tell you it. Itachi, go ahead."

Itachi took a deep breath. "Sasuke, this isn't easy for me to say. But…the real reason why I killed the clan…was to save you." He shuffled his feet a bit. "You see…Madara Uchiha, one of the oldest Uchihas, trained me and taught me the secrets of the Uchiha clan. He's the actual leader of the Akatsuki right now. By killing those close to me, I could obtain the Sharingan, and be powerful. The heads of the Uchihas wanted to basically use the Sharingan as a weapon. They had signaled you and me out for this purpose. I wanted to protect you from this; so I killed the clan. The Sharingan makes you go blind, right? It makes you sick the more you use it…weak…I didn't want that to happen to you. So I wanted you to get stronger your own way, and then kill me for what I did. I'm sorry, Sasuke. I'm sorry for everything. I never expected you to get the Sharingan fully, and by Orochimaru's ways. I should have protected you from that also. I guess I'm a horrible older brother, aren't I? You have good reasons to hate me, Sasuke. I don't blame you. I just wanted you to know this. All of this. You deserve to know it, because there's no one else to explain it to you."

Sasuke stared at Itachi in silence. Then he grunted and demanded angrily, "Then why didn't you ever come back to explain this to me?"

"Because I knew no matter what I did, I could never make you respect me again. I wanted you to get stronger so that someday, like this right now, we could fight the true battle. Brother versus brother."

"That doesn't make much sense." Sasuke growled. "Has Izumi's stupidity rubbed off on you?"

"HEY! I'm right here!" I yelled. "Don't talk about me like I'm not in your presence. And besides, if anyone's stupidity was rubbing off onto Itachi, it'd be Hana's. We all know that." I could almost hear Hana angrily screaming at me, and I resisted the urge to smile.

Sasuke and Itachi both nodded. "Yeah…"

There was an awkward silence, and I piped up, "So….Sasuke…still wanna kill Itachi? Or will I have to go all water puddle on you and defeat you in the most degrading way possible: by slipping?"

Sasuke sighed. "You know, I really want all this to end. So, I have a request; I don't see your faces for the rest of my life, I won't try to kill you. And…also…we need to repopulate the Uchiha clan. I can't do it by myself, and you already have a head start." Sasuke said to Itachi, nodding to me. I felt my face heat up.

Itachi chuckled. "Deal. Glad we finally straightened this whole thing out without any fighting. …why did you did you decide to not kill me, and believe me instead? Or attempt to kill Madara Uchiha, for that matter? He's standing right outside here, you know. He's good now, and will probably disband the Akatsuki as proof of that, but still."

Sasuke shrugged. "I guess…I wanted to be someone different in the way I wanted to handle this whole situation. I'm mostly in the mood to kill this chick named Karin right now, because she's starting to really piss me off. You were actually third on my list; she was first."

"…who was second?"

Sasuke got a creepy grin on his face. "Orochimaru."

"But Sasuke, you already killed him!" I said.

"Yeah, so? It was fun killing him, and I want to do it again."

"How is it that in these serious situations, we always end up making it weird and totally out of character?" I asked to nobody in particular.

"Because, Izumi my dear, that's just how we roll." Itachi answered me.

**~*~ Hana's POV ~*~**

"Madara, they've been in there FOREVER! And I'm getting worried! And Kisame and Keiko disappeared! And I want it to snow! And…and…I've run out of things to complain about." Madara chuckled and patted my head. "Don't worry Hana, I'm sure they're fine. I have a feeling that they're talking this whole thing out instead of resolving it with violence."

"Or Sasuke killed them and he's just screwing with my head. DAMN YOU SASUKE!" I yelled angrily, shaking my fist at the building. Just as I shouted that, three figures emerged from the doorway. Itachi and Izumi, flanked by Sasuke at their backs, walked over to Madara and me. I glomped izumi, saying, "YOU'RE NOT DEAD! YAYS!" Izumi smirked and said, "Of course I'm not! Sasuke knows that if he messes with me, he'll be killed in the most horrible way imaginable; puddle."

"Ah, yes. The puddle. The evil, evil puddle. You're an evil person, Izumi." I giggled. Looking at Sasuke, I said, "So, we all good now? Or are you gonna go psycho and attempt to kill us? 'Cause I'll be really pissed at you if you do that."

Sasuke looked down and said, "We've come at an agreement. I will no longer hunt my brother down, or try to attack any of you, under one condition."

"And what's that?"

"Repopulating the Uchiha clan." Itachi, Sasuke, and Izumi all said at the same time.

I blanched, looked at Madara, and then turned a bright shade of red. "B-But that means…I'd….we'd have to…I'LL HAVE TO DO IT WITH MADARA?"

"No, Hana. The stork will come and give you an Uchiha baby. OF COURSE YOU HAFTA 'DO IT' WITH MADARA!" Izumi yelled, hitting me upside the head. "Jeez, with your perverted mind, you'd think you'd WANT to do this."

"I-it's not that I don't want to…losing your virginity is a lot to think about…I AM NOT HAVING THIS CONVERSATION IN PUBLIC AT THIS MOMENT; THIS IS A PRIVATE MATTER!" I yelled, hiding behind Madara. "One that Mada-kun and I will speak of…in PRIVATE!" Madara laughed out loud, and then turned to Sasuke. "Sasuke, I assume Itachi told you I was the one who basically f***ed up the Uchiha clan. Sorry about that. I was power hungry. That does crazy things to people. Can you forgive me?"

"Like I said before, if you guys start the Uchiha clan again, I will even forget I hated any of you in the first place." Sasuke answered. "Now, if you'd excuse me, I have a Karin to kill. See ya. Oh, and Itachi…" Sasuke smirked and said right before he ninja poofed away, "I always knew you'd find someone shorted than you." To where Sasuke had been standing only seconds before, Izumi threw a katana that she formed out of water at the space, screaming, "I'M NOT SHORT, I'M FUN-SIZED DAMMIT!"

"Izumi, the important thing is that you're not insecure about your height." Itachi said. "And yes, you're fun-sized. In fact, I can think of A LOT of fun we can have with your size." He grinned at her, and the two began to make out in a most passionate way. I twitched and said, "Wow. They're goin' at it like we're not even here. Hey…where'd Kisame and Keiko go anyway?"

As if to answer me, Kisame and Keiko suddenly stumbled into the area from some bushes, kissing almost as hard as Izumi and Itachi were. It looked it….it looked like…well; the best way to describe it was to say it looked like a shark eating a squirrel. "Hey, Madara? What would the offspring of a shark and a squirrel be?" I asked.

"Hm, I'm not sure…a squark?"

"Yes! That's it! A SQUARK!" I yelled. Then I looked at Itachi and Izumi, and elbowed Madara in the side. "Hey…let's go before they actually start repopulating the clan. I don't want top witness that, really."

"But first…" Madara took his mask off and quickly dipped me backwards, kissing me so softly that it made me dizzy. When he finally broke away, I murmured, "Is today national 'Kiss Your Girl' day for you guys, or what?"

He grinned, his Tobi face cute and boyish. "I guess so." I grabbed his hand when he started to put his mask back on, saying, "No. Keep it off. You look good, Madara. You're hot, besides, it's holding you back." He turned his head quizzically. "Holding me back? How?" I shrugged. "I'm not sure. I just like the way you look." Madara shook his head and hugged me, saying into my hair, "I love you, Hana. You're my little flower. My everything. You always will be."

"Thanks, Madara. I love you too. And you'd better go Tobi every so often, because I really love Tobi too."

"Tobi knows that, Hana-chan. Tobi will never leave!"

Finally, probably about after twenty minutes of a make out fest, we were all back in the Rain Village. Walking to the hotel we were staying at, Madara suddenly grabbed Itachi and whispered something in his ear. Itachi smiled and nodded. "Great idea, Madara."

"What? What is it?" I asked hyperly, bouncing up and down. "HANA WANTS TO KNOW!"

"You'll see," Madara placed a finger on my nose. "Be patient. We'll be back quickly, okay? So just—oh God, you guys! Wait till you're in private for that!" Izumi and I looked at Kisame and Keiko, who were once again locked in an embrace of fierce tongue wrestling. Shielding my eyes, I yelled, 'GET ME SOME MIND SOAP!"

"ME TOO!" Izumi added. "IT BURNS!"

Kisame and Keiko broke away. Kisame grinned, his teeth sharp. "Heh, sorry. It's hormones."

"I thought shark mating season was over…" I muttered to Izumi. She snickered and gave me a hive five.

Itachi and Madara started walking away then, and Itachi said over his shoulder, "We'll be back soon! Don't worry, okay? Love you, Izumi, and don't try to kill anybody!"

"Not making any promises!" Izumi yelled back.

"Somehow I expected that answer."

"Madara! Get me mind soap, please! I wasn't kidding about that!" I called out to him.

Madara waved a hand behind him and continued walking. Izumi, Kisame, Keiko and I were all quiet for a while. Then I grinned and asked, "So guys…what's it called when you morph a shark with a squirrel?"

"I don't know…what?" Keiko answered.

"A squark."

"…oh, you're an ASS, Hana."

_**Heh-heh….a squark…I'm gonna be laughing about that for a week now. Sorry about this late update! I may not be able to update before Christmas, so Merry Christmas everyone! I know the whole Itachi/Sasuke thing was resolved in an OOC way, but…how else was I supposed to do it? And the next chapter will be a Madara/Itachi POV for a change. It'll be exciting, and you'll all be happy. So, review please! And thank you for all the reviews so far! We're almost at 200!**_


	30. Chapter 30

_**Well, for this chapter I was too lazy to really change the original, so I'm just typing it out as it is from the notebook. I did a tad bit of readjusting a few things, but that's it. Also, the original was too good to fully change. Therefore, it will be shorter than usual. Sorry. Have a Merry Christmas everyone~!**_

**~*~ Itachi's POV ~*~**

"I am so confused." I stated, looking at various wedding rings. Being confused was something I had gotten used to when I was around Izumi, but this was a different type of confused. I seriously had NO IDEA what to pick, or how I should even begin to make a process to figure it out.

"Don't worry, Itachi. I'm confused too. I don't even know how I'm going to buy anything! I have no money!" Madara whined from behind me, shifting slightly into his Tobi-mode.

"Madara…you have your own evil organization. How the hell is it that you have absolutely no money?" I asked, raising my eyebrows at him.

"…Don't laugh, but…I sued it on mind soap."

"You have GOT to be kidding."

"I'm not." Madara took out a bar of soap that looked like he had taken a knife and scratched the words "mind soap" on it. "It's actually just regular soap, but I doubt Hana will really know the difference." He explained casually.

"Obviously." I muttered as I turned back to the glass cases of wedding rings.

After about another five minutes of hopelessly looking through the jewellery with no success whatsoever, Madara sighed in defeat and stated. "That's it. I'm just gonna steal the damn things."

"But….aren't you good now?" I looked at him, surprised.

"I am! But…there's just no other way we're going to be able to get these rings." Madara looked down. "Back me up, okay? But don't kill anyone. The last thing we need is a couple of ANBU hot on our trail."

I sighed. "True, true. I have no money either. I sued it up at that dango shop we were at earlier. Well, here goes nothing." After a few minutes of casually walking around the store checking out more rings, Madara and I both found one that would match our girlfriends. Or, what we hoped would. Madara looked at me, and I nodded. We each carefully took out a kunai knife and pointed them at the man at the counter.

**~*~ Madara's POV ~*~**

"Give us these two wedding rings! NOW!" I barked, pointing to the two rings Itachi and I had picked out. I narrowed my eyes at the poor man, trying to be as mean as possible. This wasn't too hard, considering all the years I had had practice of it.

"B-but s-s-s-s-s-sir—" He stammered, immediately going pale.

"NOW!" I reached over the counter and shook him angrily.

"Do what the man says!" Itachi yelled beside me. "You don't want to make him angry…"

The man gulped, saying, "Y-yes sirs…" I let go of him so he could give us the rings. "U-uh…which o-ones do you w-want, kind sirs?" Sweat was running off his face like a waterfall, and it looked like he had just shit his pants from terror. How lovely and sophisticated.

"I already told you!" I yelled. "These two!" Once again I pointed to the two rings Itachi and I had picked out. Itachi's was a gold band embedded with two small diamonds that glinted in the light. Mine was slightly larger in terms of the band's width, and silver. On the top rested an amethyst that matched Hana's hair. Itachi nodded and said, "Do what the nice man with the kunai says, please."

The man behind the counter shivered and took out the rings, placing them in a box carefully. He handed them to Itachi. "Would that be all, sirs?" He asked without stammering.

"Yes. Thank you." I said happily.

Itachi and I bade farewell to the rest of the customers in the store, who freakishly enough, did not do anything at all while we were robbing the store. Evidently this place was full of a bunch of prissy rich pussies. "Farewell, good folk of the jewelry store. And have a nice pleasant day!" Despite appearing to have gotten over the initial shock of us, I heard the man faint as we left the store.

Once we were out of the store, Itachi and I burst out laughing.

"Well, that was entertaining," Itachi commented, holding Izumi's ring.

"That it was, my friend. That it was."

_**Urgh…that was way too short. I'M SORRY! PLEASE FORGIVE ME! I'll make it up to you in the next chapter, I promise! In the meantime, here's something for you all to think about: in the next chapter, Itachi and Madara will propose to Izumi and Hana. I'm not sure if I'm just going to make one up or use the ones in the original notebook, but I'd like for you guys to come up with your own proposal lines. You can make Madara's, Itachi's, or both! The winner will have their name mentioned, of course. So, until then, my lovely fans!  
(Oh, I'll be doing a bit of advertising here…read a fanfic called "A Year To Remember" by Katsuki Shizenno! It's a tad odd, but worth reading if you're a bit of a yaoi KakuzuXHidan fangirl. :3)**_


	31. Chapter 31

_**Well this chapter will hopefully be long, awesome, and worth the wait. Hope you all enjoy~!**_

_**~*~ Hana's POV ~*~**_

Izumi and I were walking to the jewelry store, not really caring if Itachi and Madara weren't done with their errand. We were bored, we missed them, and Kisame and Keiko were really starting to freak us out. Besides, it was their own damn fault for taking so frigging long. But when we were about twenty feet away from the store, we saw Itachi and Madara walking out, each holding a plastic bag. When they saw us, wide grins spread across their faces.

"Did you guys find what you were looking for?" I asked, placing my hands on my hips. "We waited long enough!"

They nodded, smiling knowingly to each other.

"What did you guys get? I wanna see!" Izumi latched onto Itachi's leg, begging with wistful eyes "Pwease~?"

"Later, Izumi," Itachi said, ruffling her hair. Sometimes, I really didn't get how those two were able to fall in love with each other. Then again…looking at Madara and I, I guess they'd say the same thing. If you didn't count Tobi, that is.

"Seriously, though…what'd you guys get? It's not fair to keep secrets from your girlfriends." I pouted. They were totally hiding something! I just knew it!

"We'll show the two of you later. I promise." Madara said, smirking somewhat evilly. Yep. They were hiding something from me and Izumi. Bastards. Incredibly hot bastards, but bastards nonetheless.

I sighed sadly. "Fiiine…I'll be patient and wait for once…"

The four of us began to walk down the street.

"Hey, where did Kisame and Keiko go? Shouldn't they be with you guys?" Itachi asked.

Izumi and I looked at each other, and Izumi muttered, "We told them to get a room. They're really just going too far with all the…public displays of affection now. It officially just got too much for us."

"A…room? Already?"

"Well, they've been going waaay too fast. Oh well. Not our problem." Izumi smirked.

"Nope. It's not. But…we probably should go find them, since we'll probably be leaving soon." I pointed out.

"Nah…we can just ditch them for awhile. They need their…space." Madara said.

"Yeah. You're right." I would miss Keiko, but she and Kisame deserved to be together. No matter how creepy their relationship was. At least they were happy.

"Well, do you guys want to go get something to eat before we leave town?" Izumi asked.

"…dango…" Itachi muttered, going pink. "I want more dango…"

"Ugh. Even though I absolutely LOVE dango also, I really don't think we should go get some so soon after what happened last time. Remember?" I glared at Madara and Itachi, and the coughed into their hands nervously.

"Good idea, Hana." Izumi nodded. "See? We can be responsible when we want to be!"

"How about ramen instead?" Madara suggested.

"That sounds…fine." Itachi agreed, sounding a tad bit downcast that we weren't going for dango.

"Fine with me, too." Izumi stated.

"OKAY! To the ramen shop!" I pointed forward, and we all headed in its direction.

So, as we ate our delicious and addicting ramen, making sure evil hot waitresses stayed away from Madara and Itachi, I begged, "Can we please see what you guys got now? It's been later!"

"Well, we meant LATER later then." Itachi said.

"Hmph. Meanies." This whole thing frustrated me. Especially how the two of them kept putting it off. We sat in silence for a couple of seconds, and then Madara grabbed my hand. "Don't be frustrated, Hana. The time will come, soon." He smiled and kissed me right then and there, in front of everyone. Izumi and Itachi just rolled their eyes, even though they had done the same to us before.

We had to stop a few seconds later, because a waitress came to our table to replenish our ramen. She looked sort of pissed off at me, but then looked happy when she noticed that Itachi and Izumi showed no sign that they were together. "Do you need another bowl, sir?" She placed her hand on his shoulder and gave him a look that I guess was supposed to be "smoldering". Well, that was the wrong move, lady.

"GET YOUR FILTHY LITTLE WHORE HANDS OFF MY MAN, BITCH!" Izumi screamed, punching the poor waitress through the roof. She made a shiny object in the sky as she flew.

I blinked, and then grinned. "New record!"

"Hell yeah!" Izumi did a fist pump.

Itachi face palmed himself. "…must everything be resolved in violence?"

"When it concerns sluts touching you, then yes. It does." Izumi proudly proclaimed. She stood up and shouted to all the other female waitresses, saying, "Let that be a lesson, you sluts! Stay away!"

I couldn't help but laugh. "That was awesome! A classic! Go Izumi!"

Madara laughed also. "That was quite entertaining. Izumi, you're possessive, aren't you?"

"Better believe it!"

"Well then…" Itachi and Madara stood up from their seats. Madara looked down at me and smiled. "It's time for your gift, Hana."

"You too, Izumi." Itachi nodded to her.

"YAY!" Izumi and I both hugged our boyfriends happily, saying in sync, "ABOUT FRIGGEN TIME!"

"Ha-ha, you guys have been waiting for this, haven't you?" Itachi asked Izumi lovingly. "I think you'll really love it."

"Really? Excitement…level…rising!" Izumi squealed.

"HEY! That's my line! I can do it better!" I pouted. I cleared my throat, and said in a little girl voice, "Excitement level rising, Madara-kun! Hana-chan can't wait!" Madara's eyes got large, and he tugged me into a crushing hug, cooing, "Oh my GOD, you're so cute!"

"That was weird. Very weird. Madara, don't ever do that again." Izumi said.

"…Sorry. I got caught up in the moment."

**~*~ Izumi's POV ~*~**

Madara took Hana off somewhere, and Itachi took me into the forest. He led me, holding my hand, into a pretty little clearing with lots of flowers. "Right here." Itachi decided. "Right here is the place." Itachi cleared his throat, and asked, "Izumi…is it all right if I ask you a question?" He sounded nervous.

I grinned. "Depends on what it is. I may not answer you." I copied what he had said to me around the time we first met.

Itachi laughed, kissing me. "Well, we'll just see if you'll answer then." He got down on one knee, took out a box from his pocket, and opened it up. I gasped. "Izumi, will you marry me?"

I never thought that four simple words would cause so much happiness in me. I threw my arms around him, crying. "Oh yes! A hundred thousand times, yes! Itachi, I love you! I love you so freaking much!" We kissed each other for awhile, just making out in each other's arms and incredibly happy. When we finally broke apart, I looked into Itachi's eyes and smiled.

"What are you thinking about?" Itachi asked, stroking my hair lightly.

"Oh, just that the first time I looked into those eyes…"

"You fainted. I remember." Itachi smiled. "Back then, you were terrified of me. And now…it's just funny, isn't it? How far we've come?"

"Yeah." I nodded, snuggling into his neck. "I love you, Itachi. Thank you…for loving me back." I cosed my eyes, then asked, "Was it nice to you? That I was scared of you back then?"

"It was…amusing. But then…when I started developing feelings for you, I got angry. And I didn't want to frighten you anymore."

"Hey…when did you first start liking me?"

"Hm…I think it was when you sat on me." Itachi said thoughtfully.

"Really? That's when I started liking you!" I giggled. "It's a small world after all."

"Yes, it definitely is a small world." Itachi wrapped his arms around me again, and we lay down on the ground next to each other, full of happiness. "I love you, Izumi." He said, kissing me gently and softly.

"I love you too, Itachi…" I whispered. And I did. Being with him was heaven. It was what I wanted most in the world. Going a little pink, I said, "Hey…Itachi? Are we really going to…repopulate…the Uchiha clan?"

Itachi went pink also. He nodded, saying softly, "Yes. I want to help my clan."

"Good." I gulped. "I want to help, too. Just not now. After…after we're married."

"Of course. I won't rush you." Itachi agreed. "After…we're married."

**~*~ Hana's POV…Again ~*~**

(Sorry, but that's the way it is in the notebook)

"All right! I'm ready. I want the present. Is it a kitten? I like kittens. And chocolate. IS IT A CHOCOLATE KITTEN?" I squealed. Madara had taken me into the forest, opposite the way Itachi had taken Izumi.

"No, it's not a chocolate kitten." Madara laughed. "Come here." He held his hand out to me, and I took it. Madara pulled a box out of his pocket and opened it up. Inside…was…

"A ring?" I whispered, my eyes widening. "Oh my God…Madara? Is this…"

"Hana, marry me. You're the one I will love forever. So please…marry me. Marry me." Madara said, closing his eyes and brushing a gloved finger against my cheek.

"YES! HELL YES!" I screamed. I tackled him down, kissing him fully on the lips. "I love you, Madara! And I WILL marry you!'

"Good. You answered yes. 'Cause if it was the other answer, I'd kill you." Madara growled.

I let out a small "meep!" and backed away. "R-really?"

"HAH! Of course not. Had you fooled, huh?" Madara laughed.

"…That was an ass-holish moving for the man who wants to marry me." I pouted.

"Yeah, but you know you love me." Madara said, kissing me and patting my head.

"That I do, you sexy, sexily man."

_**Well, hope those met your expectations! I just kind of smashed two chapters together to make this chapter longer, and I think this was really crappy…;_;**_

_**I'm kinda starting to slow down. Forgive me, my faithful readers!**_

_**There's only a couple of chapters left, and then it'll be the end. Thanks for staying for so long!**_

_**Review please!  
**_


	32. Chapter 32

_**Ugh…the last few chapters of this have been so horrible I just want to shoot myself…please! Forgive me! It's just, this has gotten boring to write because there's no more Itachi/Sasuke/Madara rivalry anymore. LOL. But I'll try to make this better than the last chapter, so please bear with me!**_

_**~*~ Izumi's POV ~*~**_

"OH MY GOD!" I yelled happily. "We're getting married….in less than two hours! HANA! I'M SO HAPPY!" I hugged her, squeezing the life out of her.

"I KNOW! THIS IS AWESOME!" Hana replied, hugging me also. "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!"

It had been a month since Itachi and Madara had proposed to Hana and me. We had begun preparing right away. First off, we went to get dresses, even though Hana despised getting all girly. This is how our dress endeavor went:

"Izumi! IZUMI!" Hana ran into my room (We had been renting hotel rooms right and left ever since we left the Akatsuki….luckily we all knew how to pick pocket. Shut up. We're still somewhat criminals.) and bounced up and down. Her face was pinched with worry.

I lifted an eyebrow. "Did you forget where the bathroom in your room is again? You look like you gotta pee, because of all your hopping up and down."

Hana went pink. "N-no! Of course not! And that was only one time, why can't you just forget about that, Izumi?"

I grinned. "Heh. I just like teasing you about it. Anyway, what was it that you needed?"

"You know that dress you were looking at earlier a few days ago? Well, Madara and I were in the store, and we saw this botchy blonde chick buy it! She was surrounded by a group of slutty girls! You have to go find it before it's too late!"

"My….MY DRESS?" I leapt up and stared at Hana. "My dress….Izumi's gonna hafta kill a bitch! Let's go, Hana!" I grabbed some kunai and shoved them in my pocket, running out the door.

"But wait! What about Itachi and Madara? Shouldn't we wait for them?" Hana asked, running behind me.

"Heh. They'd frown upon what I'm gonna do to this girl. So it's best if they don't come with us." I grinned as I imagined blood spurting out from a girl's head and I hacked her into pieces, then triumphantly holding my dress like a trophy.

"Okay…when you get that crazy look in your eyes, I knew better than to stop you." Hana muttered. "Well, I heard they were going to that small café next to the bridal shop. We can probably find them there."

"Got it. No one messes with my dress and gets away with it."

"Yeah, but, Izumi? They didn't know it was your dress." Hana pointed out.

"WELL THAT'S THEIR OWN DAMN FAULT!" I yelled. "Now quit your whining, move your ass, and help me get my precious dress back!"

"You know, I haven't even gotten my dress yet." Hana mused as we ran towards the café. "I wonder how long I can keep procrastinating? Madara says he doesn't care, but I think he's sad that I'm not taking this wedding stuff seriously."

"Well, maybe you should." I said. "Hana, just get a dress. As long as it makes Madara happy, right?"

She sighed. "Yeah…." She looked down. "I just hate dresses." She muttered like a child.

I laughed and patted her on the head. "You're so childish sometimes, you know that? I guess that's how you and Tobi first hit it off. And Madara has a stick up his ass sometimes, so he needs you to balance everything out."

"And Itachi needs someone shorter than him and someone who's clumsy to balance out his personality!" Hana added cheerfully.

She just crossed the line.

"…I'M NOT SHORT, DAMMIT! Everyone else is just a bunch of freakin' giants!" I yelled. "And I am NOT clumsy…everyone else is more coordinated. Except for you. You'll always be the clumsiest person in the world." I said the last bit with no malice intended, smiling broadly.

"Yeah! Thanks Izumi—hey wait, you just insulted me!"

But I didn't answer, because now we were at the front of the café. Hana looked in the window and gasped. "Hey, that's her!" I looked where Hana's was pointing and saw a blonde girl surrounded by some other girls, all laughing. The blonde girl was holding a dress bag. MY dress bag. The aura emanating from them screamed, "We are bitches, hear us shop!" or something like it.

"Hana, ready to go skin some cats?" I asked, cracking my knuckles.

Hana held her hands up. "W-wait, Izumi. Instead of violence, let's handle this with extreme awesomeness. I have a plan." She leaned into my head and whispered her plan. My eyes widened, and I laughed. "Wow, Hana! I didn't know you could think things through like that. Good idea. Let's use it!" Hana grinned. "Hell yes, I can have good ideas every once and awhile."

With our plan formulated, the two of us walked into the café feeling confident. Putting on an air of importance, I walked up to the girl and said, "Excuse me, Miss. That dress you just bought? Well, I'm afraid we just found out all the dresses have been recalled. Something about the thread used in it being poisonous. If kept in contact with skin for a short amount of time, the skin can fall off." I held my hand out. "Please give us the dress back. We are representatives from the bridal store."

The girl glared at us. "How do I know you're not lying? You're not wearing the store's uniform."

"Oh, that's because we work in the back, where they get all our merchandise." Hana piped up, putting on her cheesy "I'm adorable and slow" smile. "We don't have to wear the uniform. But that's why they sent us, because being in the back, we heard about this first."

"Will I get my money back? I paid a lot for this thing!" The girl said angrily.

"Sure!" I answered. "Just give us your address, and we'll mail the money back to you. In no less than three days. If you have a problem and do not receive the dress by then, please call this number." I wrote down some random phone number and handed the girl it. She in turn wrote down her address, and Hana took it.

"Thank you! Sorry again, Miss. We're going to have to do this all day and get all the dresses of this brand back that we sold, if this makes yo feel any better." Hana lied with a wide smile.

"A-all right." The girl had an angry and disgusted look on her face, but she handed me the dress bag back. "Guys, let's go. I'll go find another dress. At a different store." She got up, and the rest of her posse did too. Once they were gone, I cuddled the dress in my arms. "My precious-wecious dress…"

"Izumi's going crazy! She's talking to dresses!" Hana said loudly for everyone to hear.

I punched her arm.

"Ow…."

"Hana, you talk to other inanimate objects. So shut up."

"Yes ma'am…"

-Back to present day-

I looked at myself in the mirror. My black hair was at my waist, little braids through-out it tied with black lacey ribbons. My dress was pure white and hung to my slight curves, giving me a more intense figure. The dress was simple yet elegant, with swirling silvery patterns throughout the bodice and a ruffled skirt that reached my ankles. My shoes were black high heels. My pale face was rosy with a little make up. I grinned. "Hana, how do I look?"

"Sexy."

"That's not creepy at all; one girl calling another girl sexy." I grinned somewhat in creeped-out ness.

"Hey, I'm just telling it like it is. Itachi will go nuts." Hana giggled. Hana had chosen a dress finally, one that Madara hadn't seen yet. It was a light lavender Gothic-Lolita type dress that poofed out at the bottom and reached just below her knees. The sleeves were long and lacy, and rose patterns were stitched in a black thread through out it. On her feet Hana wore black combat boots. Her purple hair was done in a sloppy bun so that some strands framed her childish face. She looked adorable. "How do I look?"

"Cute. Madara will be happy you actually got a dress, since you said you were going to get married in a cat outfit."

"Hey, you and I both know he'd totally go for that." Hana pointed out.

"True." I nodded. "He would."

"And Madara and Itachi both look hot in their tuxes…" Hana said dreamily, no doubt thinking about Madara.

The tow of them had already showed us their outfits; the standard black tuxedo with a white shirt underneath it. Needless to say, despite the fact it was so overused and simple, they both looked really good.

Simplicity is the best way to go sometimes.

"I'm so excited." Hana said happily. "Izumi, thank you for always being my friend through this all. I love you like a sister."

"I love you too, you idiot." I slung an arm around her shoulder. "Now let's wait for the ceremony to start, and get married."

"Sounds good to me!"

-Two Hours Later-

The wedding was done in one of those "buy a priest for the day" places. There were only four people in the ceremony: Me, Hana, Itachi, and Madara. But that was fine, since we all didn't really have any family. We were fine with just us four.

Hana and I walked into the room, and when Madara and Itachi saw us, their faces lit up. Neither of them had seen our dresses, and Madara had totally expected Hana to be in some animal costume. Madara took Hana's hand, and Itachi took mine. "You look beautiful," He whispered in my ear. "Thanks. You look hot." I answered, grinning.

The four of us stood at the front, with the fat man we had hired to wed us. He actually did an okay job of the whole thing, and when we got to the kissing part…

Well, let's just say it may have gotten a little out of hand and we had to be stopped. Ehehehehehe…

But…now we were married. And the Uchiha clan had two other members. That's all that mattered. As we walked out of the Rent-a-Priest, I elbowed Itachi and said, "So, when do we get started repopulating the clan, guys?"

Cue Hana's bright red face, Itachi's uncertainty, Madara's perverted smirk, and my laughter.

_**YAAAAAAAAAAAAY! They're married now! And this chapter actually had some depth in it! Sorry for rushing the marriage ceremony; I was too lazy to go through it all. Ehehehe…Next chapter will probably be the last, but I'll try to make it long. Even if that means just putting random crap down to make it long. Oh well. At least this story had a good run while it did.**_

_**Thank you for all the reviews, and please review this chapter!**_


	33. Chapter 33

_**Please don't kill me for procrastinating…but I'm finally getting to typing this last chapter! Remember people: it's all about QUALITY. Not QUANTITY. (Reference to chapter length right there) Love you all, and thank you so much for sticking with this story!**_

**~*~ Hana's POV ~*~**

XxX Magical timeskip to one year later after their wedding, because frankly your wonderful author is much too lazy to really type anything else to describe it. Oh look, I made a long sentence. And another sentence! And another! Okay, procrastination is over, feel free to smack me in a review. I deserve it. *cultivates mushrooms in a dark corner* XxX

"MADARA! For the last goddamn time, stop eating all the peanut butter and then putting the empty container back in the cabinet!"

"Well excuse me for being a man."

"…that's not an excuse."

"Well excuse me for being a SEXY man, then."

"THAT'S an excuse."

A whole year had passed since Madara and I had been married, and Izumi and Itachi had also exchanged their vows. A whole year. Needless to say, not much happened. Oh, sure, there were little adventures and everything, but pretty much we were living a normal life.

When we had gotten married, Kisame and Keiko had found us and told us that they had decided to go off on their own. They were in love and wanted to do something good with their life, so they headed out. You wanna know where they were at now?

Sea World.

I shit you not.

And you know what else? Kisame was a shark trainer. Once again, I shit you not. Luckily everything worked out for them, since Kisame's mother was Jaws.

…

Okay, maybe that joke is a little over played. But it's still funny.

As for me and the rest of us Uchihas (because Izumi and I were Uchihas now by marriage) we had gone to the Akatsuki base to announce everything that had gone on. Everyone there was pretty surprised that Tobi was actually Madara, the true leader of the Akatsuki. And that Itachi and Sasuke had made up.

Oh, and that we were all married. THAT really shocked the hell outta them.

But Madara disbanded the Akatsuki, saying it was for the greater good of the world. At first the members were a bit angry, but then they decided it was for the best and went with it. I've even heard that Sasori and Deidara met up and are teaching at the same art school, and surprisingly they haven't killed anyone yet with their "My art is better!" rants. Hidan moved on to become a (what else?) Jashinist preacher. He has many followers. Which is kinda freaky around Christmas time. (Don't ask…let's just say it involved a scary-ass Christmas card with a picture of Hidan and all his followers, okay?) Kakuzu decided to become a bank owner. Only problem is, he hoards the money and doesn't really give it to anyone. So he has to get a talking to from one of the former Akatsuki members every time a situation gets out of hand. Zetsu chose a career in the field of botany. He is now one of the moist celebrated plant scientists around, and he became that in only a year. Kinda scary when you think about it. Pein and Konan got married finally—Thank God for that, it was about damn time!—and now own a flower shop/body piercing studio outside of the Rain Village. They're very happy together.

Sasuke also sent us post cards to say that he had got together with some girl named Sakura Haruno. Itachi was sad, spouting out nonsense that his nieces and nephews were going to have pink hair. Which confused the hell out of me and Izumi.

As for the rest of us? Well, Itachi and Madara teach genjutsu classes for young ninjas who have trouble with that specific art. Izumi and I watch from the sidelines. When we're not doing that, we help people with problems. Er…we're therapists, so to speak.

Yeah, I know. It's weird that two experiments of Orochimaru's decided to become therapists to help people with psychological problems, but we figured that would be who was best to help them.

And no, we still haven't re-populated the Uchiha clan. You perverts for wanting to know.

Anyway, back to the present, I'm done with my narration of what has transpired this past year.

"Well excuse me for being a SEXY man, then."

"THAT'S an excuse."

I grinned and wrapped my arms around Madara, kissing his spiky black hair lovingly. He in turn smirked and patted my arm. "See, I knew I'd find a loophole."

Madara, Itachi, Izumi and I all shared an apartment complex. There were other families than us, but we got the whole top floor to ourselves.

"Well, please don't do it again. This is the fourth time." I whined.

"Aw, is Hana-chan sad that Madara ate all her precious peanut butter?" Madara asked, resorting to his Tobi-mode to make me melt.

I whimpered. "You know I can't resist you when you do that, Mada-kun…"

"That's why I do it." Madara laughed. He gripped my chin and gave me a slow, hot kiss that I wanted to last for hours. "Because when your guard is down, that's when we can have fun…" He whispered breathlessly into my ear. He pushed me onto the floor, pinning me down. "Does Hana-chan want to have fun with Tobi and Madara?"

Obviosuly Madara is anxious and ready to start re-populating the clan. Bastard.

"Not today, Madara. I have a client." I summoned all my will power and pushed him off of me before it went too far, blushing really hard. "Besides…you know I'm still scared about that."

"Don't worry, Hana. I'll be patient." Madara swore happily, but his eyes told a different story.

Especially since they were staring at my chest.

Bad day to wear that low-ish cut tank top I guess.

"PERVERT!" I yelled, smacking him lightly on the head. But I was grinning. I grabbed my bag and opened the door. "I'll be back at five. If you get hungry, there's some left over pad thai in the fridge. Don't eat the ice cream like last time." I pointed at Madara accusingly.

"Don't worry; I'll let you have your ice cream, Hana." Madara waved and I left for work. Walking down the hallway, I met up with Izumi.

"Hey, Izumi-chan!" I glomped her. "I LOVE YOU!"

"Hana, we've been over this: it's creepy whenever you see someone that you attack them with a hug of death and scream I love you." Izumi muttered.

"It's not a hug of death, it's a tackle hug! OF LOVE!"

When we had established the fact that my hugs were from love, not the urge to kill someone by squeezing the air out of their lungs, Izumi and I walked out of the apartment and began our trek to our office.

After a few minutes of talking about random crap, Izumi finally interrupted me and blurted out, "I'M PREGNANT!"

…

"?" (Insert infinity symbol)

"Yeah…I took one of those tests this morning, and the line was blue. That means I'm pregnant, right?" Izumi's pale face was flushed. "I told Itachi, and he…he…" She looked down,

"He what, izumi?"

"He passed out cold." Izumi muttered, twiddling her thumbs.

"BWAHAHAHAHA! He did?" I laughed and patted her shoulder. "Well, that's a man for ya. I'm so happy for you, Izumi!"

"Yeah, but that means you and Madara have to get working hard. I don't wanna be the only one!"

"W-w-what?" My face flamed up.

"Hana, honestly; we promised to help rebuild the Uchiha clan. Don't worry, when the time's right, you two will get the hang out it. I'm sure." Izumi smiled.

"…yeah…"

"Wait…have you guys even TRIED it yet?" Izumi asked slowly.

I didn't answer.

"YOU HAVEN'T?"

"….I've been scared to." I muttered.

"You're too much, Hana!" Izumi laughed, slinging an arm around me. "But that's why you're my sister. But not blood-related. Who needs blood relations when you have insanity?"

"No one's ever put it better!" I grinned. "Now let's put that insanity to the test and help troubled people with their mental problems!" I raced towards the direction our therapy office was, with Izumi chasing after me saying, "Wait, I think that's contradictory, Hana!"

"So what if it is? It's true!"

"Yeah, you're right. Do we have issues?"

"Naaaah. It's the rest of the world that does."

"Oh, Hana."

And that's how our story went. We laughed, we cried, we were horrified, we were hurt, we killed…but most of all, we were US.

The two crazy, insane, lovable and complicated reject experiments that Orochimaru threw out. The two girls that fell in love with the remaining Uchihas. The duo that could make the whole Akatsuki groan one moment, then laugh the next.

We were Hana and Izumi, newly turned Uchihas by marriage.

And we were going to make damn sure we did the name good.

_***Pants* …I did it…I completed it…and I know it was very long, but please keep in mind that whole quality versus quantity bit. I revised this and just felt that if I re0did anything, it'd mess it up.**_

_**And if you were wondering, yes. Afterwards Hana and Madara did do it, and rebuilt the clan along with Izumi and Itachi.**_

_**Who knows, that may become something someday. *Hint Hint***_

_**Thank you! Everyone! From the bottom of my heart, thank you for sticking with this story—through the good parts, the dry parts, and everything in-between.**_

_**Love you all!**_

_**~Atama Ga Kuru Teru~**_


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